What do you call a person who cares about strangers. People do not know how to take care of their loved ones: the infantilism of men and women. Feeling of self worth

The word "care" in itself is multi-context - it is not for nothing that in Russian the word "care" is both actions aimed at the benefit of someone, and the definition of hectic affairs, troubles.

W in caring for the happiness of others, we find our own. Plato It's bad if there's no one to take care of you. Even worse, if there is no one to take care of you. Stanislav Jerzy Lec

But what enriches caring for others? It remains a mystery to many people. It would seem that everyone has enough of their worries to still take care of someone else. In fact, in our world, the boundaries are quite blurred. For some people, taking care of their own parents is a burden. And for someone, taking care of completely strangers is a common thing. One thing is true - generously shares the one who has in abundance. Therefore, those who are sympathetic to other people and do not consider the care given to others are truly rich.

Sometimes, when showing concern for other people, people praise themselves and may even feel that others owe them. In fact, this is not sincere concern. It does not enrich a person, it impoverishes him, because he himself counts his own good deeds and, having done them, will not wait for the moment when they return to him. Perhaps they will help him too, take care of him, but this will be done the same way - for show or in the form of self-sacrifice. Many people need a reason to praise themselves - the fact of performing an act of caring, even insincere, towards someone. Sometimes the motive may be the desire of a person to appear well-meaning in the eyes of other people.

Caring for others becomes the concern of a person when it is insincere in its manifestation, or when care is imposed on him from the outside. That is, if a person shows insincere concern to raise his status in the eyes of others, or if he feels an obligation due to circumstances or moral duty.

Care is sincere and from the heart comes from love. When we love someone, we naturally begin to care for the person. The most difficult thing is to take care of others when it is difficult for yourself. Even with the greatest love, showing care in difficult times or when the heart is bad is a sign of a big heart. Because when we feel bad, we are used to focusing on our emotions and experiences, while it is always important to take care of loved ones and loved ones. Caring is an unspoken “I love you” to a loved one or a positive message in relation to other people, the basis of friendly and sincere communication.

If a person, exhausted by a cruel spiritual storm, convulsively resisting the onslaught of unexpected disasters, not knowing whether he is alive or dead, is still able to treat his beloved creature with careful care, this is a sure sign of a truly beautiful heart. Hugo

I want to talk about everything known. We do not live alone, but we do not live in society as such. We are surrounded by people with whom we are in closer contact, we distinguish them from all others. These are relatives, and loved ones, and children, and friends, and colleagues, and sometimes random people (cellmates, for example). But from this circle, which may be quite large, a narrower circle stands out, inevitably consisting of only a few people. These are the people you care about. There is, of course, professional care - like a doctor, nurse, etc., but we will leave this specific care aside. You can call these chosen ones, whom you care about, close ones. Christianity tried to abolish this narrow circle, a vivid example is the parable of the good Samaritan. But on the one hand, it destroyed the natural principle of caring for the few, and on the other hand, it supported the family, which created internal dissonance in people. We have inherited much of the Christian view of caring for others, but we have retained something from the pagan.

Why do we care about others? Of course, instincts play their role, but they are not the basis of conscious behavior, chosen principles. Most of the time, the answer is simple: it is. There is another answer, deeper, although not contradictory to the first. One who cares especially unselfishly is good. I want to feel good. That's why I care about someone without even getting a thank you. My reward is my conceit, and praise only reinforces it. Thus, paradoxically, the main motive for caring is to increase self-esteem. Mothers can also suffer from this, and from the outside it is difficult to suspect such a strange motive. And if you suspect - you will be accused of slander - why, this is a mother, it's so natural - to take care of a child! Outward similarity makes it difficult to see the essence. And the "litmus test" can be the fact that this care is already being carried out even for relatively enough adult children and is of an obsessive nature, ignoring the desires of the most "beneficial". You may object that why should slyness be mixed with a disinterested deed? Christian holy fathers one and a half thousand years ago, studying and describing psychology in their own way, answered this question. Of course, you need to make allowances for their language, and yet. Namely, that there is a demon of vanity, the only demon that rejoices in ... virtues. Genuine virtues, not illusory ones. The demon is not a demon, but it is noticed correctly. And sooner or later there comes a moment when such a service becomes bearish.
Natural concern for another can be caused by different motives and different feelings (love, compassion, gratitude, etc.), but it does not have the character of strict guardianship. That is, the caretaker does not try to play the role of a boss, even if the position allows him to do so. Such care is less strong when viewed from the outside, that is, more implicit help and less conditions, less guardianship. Genuine care means helping another, delivering benefits, and taking into account his wishes and protests. As soon as an imposition appears, a doubt immediately arises in the motivation of caring. This motivation worries me not for any moral reasons, but because differences in motivation directly affect the nature of care and the nature of relationships. And I do not preach "altruism" at all. A sincere carer may well expect reciprocal help or at least gratitude. At the same time, a supposedly unselfishly caring person (the same mother) can turn out to be - and often turns out to be - a kind of emotional vampire. A person cared for by such a vampire turns into a thing, into a doll that needs to be dressed and spoon-fed. And they don’t ask the opinion of the doll, or if they ask, they don’t listen. Let there be less worries, but let it be better from the heart, natural. In particular, parental and friendly care.

Sometimes men are hard to understand. A guy who doesn't care about you at all can be great at faking affection (at least for a while), while someone who really cares about you can have a hard time expressing his feelings. There is no surefire indicator to determine whether you are important to a guy or not. However, if you pay attention to how he behaves towards you in different situations, it will be easier for you to find the right answer.

1. Notice how often he wants to see you. Let him make joint plans. Note how much free time he takes for you. The more he seeks to spend time with you, the more you mean to him.

   • Allow for some variation if your schedules are jam-packed or don't match up due to work, school, or family matters. However, if he is completely free, but wants to meet with you once a week, consider that perhaps this is a sign of a conflicted attitude.

2. Check how often he contacts you. Notice how often he calls, emails, or texts. If he contacts you regularly, take it as a sign that he wants to be a part of your life. Give him a little reprieve if he's extremely busy, but note how much effort he puts into keeping you on the radar even though he's busy.

   • On the other hand, beware if he calls too often. If he calls knowing that you're busy with work, family, or school, and despite that, expects you to drop everything and talk to him, chances are he cares about his own needs more than yours.

3. Find out what he does. If you don't see each other soon, ask him what he'll do. Assess his willingness or willingness to respond. If his reaction seems evasive and vague, take it as a sign that you are not dear enough to him to share all aspects of his life with you. If he is open and talks about his plans for a certain time, take this as a sign of honesty and trust.

   • Take my word for it when he talks about what he'll be doing. Don't sniff around or spy on him to make sure he's not lying (unless you have a good reason to be). If he cares about you and he catches you spying, he may take it as distrust, which can harm your relationship.

4. Say you need time for yourself. Periodically say that you need to be without him for a while (either alone or with your friends). See how well he takes it. If he respects the fact that we all need a little break from each other from time to time, count that as a plus. However, if he demands to spend every free second with him, consider that he cares more about his happiness than about yours.

   • Remember: this works both ways. Don't be upset if he sometimes wants to be with other people or by himself, especially if you've been together a lot lately.

Pay attention to how he treats you in public

1. Note how much it takes into account your presence. If you are around other people, pay attention to where his attention is directed. Be silent for a while and see how long it takes before he brings you back into the conversation and whether he forgets about you completely. If you are at a big party and split up to hang out with different people, check how often he comes up to talk to you, if only for a couple of seconds.

   • The main thing is to do it on a case-by-case basis. Most likely, each time the situation will be at least a little, but different. For example, if he has not seen a certain friend for a long period of time, of course, the guy will focus more on him. Look for behavior that stays the same over time, rather than focusing on one single situation.

2. Start talking about getting to know his family and friends. Look at his reaction to this proposal. If he reacts reluctantly, ask about the reason for this. If he doesn't have a compelling reason or says "sure" all the time but keeps putting it off, ask why the guy you're supposed to care about doesn't want to introduce you to the other people in his life.

   • Remember: his unwillingness may have a good reason. He may be more concerned about what you think of his friends than the other way around. Or his family is not the most best image life. Encourage him to freely share his concerns. The more he trusts, the more you are dear to him.

Attention, care, love, care, concern for someone - all these words are close to each other in the actions that people who experience such feelings perform. What is care? Is it a manifestation of love or attention, or is it a separate concept that manifests itself in a special way?

The psychological meaning of the word "care"

This concept is the subject of study not only in psychology, but also in pedagogy, medicine, philology and other sciences. Every industry treats the word differently. There are several definitions of the word "care". This is attention, care, activity or thought, which is aimed at providing someone or something with well-being. It is clear that these are certain efforts and efforts for the benefit of any object. Some understand caring as anxiety, zeal, or anything else that is burdensome.

How does it manifest itself?

How caring is manifested, we learn from a young age. Many people are familiar with the picture of a child crying after a fall, whom the mother is trying to calm with all her efforts. The mother is ready to carry a baby who is sick in her arms everywhere and always, to give him the most delicious and healthy, if only he recovers. In prosperous families, mothers are the first example of care and care, united in one concept - care.

Gentle concern is manifested in the concern of parents for children, the wife for her husband and vice versa. not just in words or in the heart, it is reinforced by concrete actions, for example, cooking favorite or healthy dishes by mom, sheltering a wife on a cold night, shopping by an outsider who cares for some lonely grandmother, and so on.

Self care

It is human nature to take care of oneself. This is partly dictated by nature. We have basic needs that need to be met. It could be the need for sleep or food. We cannot forget about them, because the body itself reminds us that it is time to sleep or eat. And we do not eat sawdust or rotten fruits for food, but we are looking for tasty, satisfying and healthy foods. This is an elementary manifestation of self-care. Taking care of your health and proper lifestyle is only commendable.

But there are cases of excessive care for yourself and your body. Such care already borders on egoism, egocentrism. Such people, as a rule, find it difficult to pay attention to others, as they are completely absorbed in themselves. This behavior adversely affects a person's communication and personal dynamics, so sometimes you need to switch to the needs of others. Caring for others brings satisfaction, a sense of need for someone, gives an internal incentive to carry out other good deeds.

Attention and care for your children

All parents believe that their children are special. For every loving parent, their child is really the most intelligent, talented and good. Caring for children is a big responsibility for parents. First you need to show love and attention to babies, then to toddlers, then to teenagers. At the same time, it is necessary to provide them and constantly solve small or big problems associated with them. Of course, parents get tired of the constant burden of problems, but this does not relieve them of responsibility.

While caring for children, they should not forget the needs of children. There is pseudo-care when mom or dad tries to solve some of their problems through the manifestation of excessive care or attention. Sometimes in their desire to provide the child with everything, they forget about his needs for recognition, every day, love and understanding. Gentle care for children is a manifestation of attention to the moral, physical, social, psychological and material needs of children. Parents should pay equal attention to all these areas.

Parent care

How do men understand this word?

A man and a woman differ from each other in understanding some actions and words. The same difference is observed in understanding the meaning of care. Men for the most part in the word "care" see the material support of their own. Being realists and pragmatists, they rarely show their care in words or gentle actions. Many men find it difficult to understand that providing for children is not a substitute for time spent together.

Let's do an experiment. Close your eyes and remember the most joyful moments of childhood spent with your parents. It is unlikely that it will be 10 servings of ice cream eaten, bought or renovated in the room. Surely the first thing that comes to mind is fun snowball fights in winter, walks in the park or family trips somewhere. In any case, the child remembers the quality of communication with parents, and not its material component. Dads! Do not skimp on caring for the morale of children and wives, as well as meeting their psychological needs.

Care in understanding women

Women intuitively feel what their children and men need. Care in the understanding of women is all kinds of actions that make their environment happy. Young mothers wake up maternal instinct, which helps to feel their children, their needs, there is a natural concern for babies. A woman can create a paradise around herself if she takes sacrificial care for her family. It is because of the different attitude to the manifestation of care between a man and a woman that disagreements can arise. But it is important to remember that this quality can manifest itself from different sides. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with the fact that mom will be more concerned about the feelings of her child and his physical condition, and dad about buying toys.

The boundaries of care

Oddly enough, true caring has its limits. Overprotection has never been healthy parenting for their children or children for their parents. It is necessary to surround with care in moderation, since excessive care relaxes, indulges and destroys the object to which it is directed. A person should mutually share love, support and care, and not just receive all this unilaterally. In your care, you need to focus on the needs of the person to whom it manifests itself, and not on your ambitions or desires. Then the joy of its manifestation will be on both sides of good actions. The manifestation of tenderness and care is a necessity not only for family members, but also for the environment, because we, people, must help each other.

By the definition of "care" we usually mean the manifestation special attention, guardianship, worries about someone. In the minds of most people, all these categories are quite identical. But what does “care” really mean - is it a combination of some manifestations or is it a separate judgment?

The concept of "care" is not purely psychological, it is also studied in medicine, pedagogy, and philology. Each of the scientific branches explains care in its own way. In a broad sense, the term "care" is interpreted in two ways. On the one hand, this is a series of actions aimed at the benefit of someone or something (after all, we care not only about living beings, but also indoor plants, for example). Another point of view - care - it's experiences, anxiety, burden.

We experience caring from the moment of birth (and in some ways even before it). Loving parents are ready to do everything possible to ensure the comfort and well-being of the baby - all these actions are united by the concept of "care". Later, we ourselves learn to take care of ourselves and others. This is expressed not only in feelings and anxiety, but in specific actions that ensure the well-being of the object of our care. We visit a sick friend, feed a cat, water flowers, help mother and grandmother carry heavy bags - as a person grows up, this list is constantly updated.

First of all, a person tends to take care of himself, his own needs. Every day we need sleep, nutritious and healthy food, physical activity and rest - these are natural needs that our body dictates in one way or another. Satisfying them, we take care of ourselves at the most elementary level: we go to bed in a warm comfortable bed, we eat fresh and appetizing food, we dress according to the season. Taking care of your health is right and commendable.
But sometimes you have to deal with manifestations of excessive self-care, often to the detriment of others. Such obsession with one's own person borders on selfishness and becomes a serious obstacle to building harmonious relationships with other people. Communication - necessary condition for self-development of a person, so sometimes you need to take care of others. This makes us feel needed, increases self-esteem.

First of all, parents should take care of children. All the joy and responsibility of the process lies with them. Here it is important to take into account the characteristics of the age and development of the child, his personal needs. Sometimes it is very difficult for mom and dad to “switch” as their adored child grows up. It is also very common to find manifestations of false care, when parents indulge their own ego by overprotectiveness of the child. For example, they give the baby expensive toys, trying to compensate for their unwillingness (or inability) to spend enough time with him. Let's remember that our children need moral, physical and material care in equal measure! You need to pay attention to all these areas and not try to replace one with another (do not replace games and conversations with food or new toys).

Life is very relative and changeable. It would seem that just yesterday we were children and our parents took care of us. And today we have become adults, independent, and now our parents need our care and attention. Normal relationships between close people imply mutual concern for each other. In this way, people show their love and affection. And in the case of parents, sincere gratitude for everything they have done for us. Therefore, taking care of elderly parents (grandparents) is the moral duty of every child. And here it is also important to take into account the needs at all levels - moral, physical, material. Helping with repairs, buying food, escorting to the doctor, just making an extra call and coming to visit is not at all burdensome for us, but very important for the elderly.

Men and women understand caring differently. For husbands, fathers, grandfathers, care is, first of all, the material support of their family. Representatives of the stronger sex are sure that if their relatives are safe, provided with everything necessary, then the task is completed. The psychological needs of wives and children very often go far into the background. Men, do not skimp on signs of attention and communication with the family - this is no less important than the material component!

For a woman, caring is something fundamentally different. Girls, girls, wives, mothers understand care as certain actions, thanks to which the people around them - fathers, husbands, children become happier. This is a dinner prepared with love, neatly ironed shirts, medicine offered on time and much more. ​

It is precisely because of the difference in understanding and perception of care between a man and a woman (more often between young parents) that conflicts sometimes arise. Be attentive to each other and try to reach mutual understanding. There is nothing shameful in the fact that mom will take more care of the baby’s nutrition and daily routine, and dad will buy toys and pay for classes with a tutor.

Providing support and care, you should not cross reasonable boundaries. Overprotection has never been a healthy act of caring. Support should be provided exactly to the extent that its object needs. Excessive caregiving is more likely to be destructive to the personality of the person to whom it is directed, rather than be useful. Also, do not impose your guardianship on those who do not need it. It is better to direct your ambitions to another, more productive channel, and successfully implement them there.
The manifestation of tenderness, attention and participation are the natural needs of the individual. Let's be attentive not only to our loved ones, but also to other people around us!