“It’s interesting when a woman called a man a vegetable,
What was she hinting at?
Is he a cool guy or a bald guy?”

Men often complain about women's logic, but when it comes to hints, guys' logic "smokes nervously on the sidelines." The understanding of female hints by the stronger sex occurs as in this joke.

The girl calls the guy and says:

D.: My parents went to the country today. Come to me.

P: What are we going to do with you?

D.: Well, let's drink a bottle of Martini.

P: And then?

D.: Let's turn on the music and turn off the lights.

D.: Let's dance and go to bed.

D.: Like what? We will be intimate until the morning!

P.: That's it, I got the hint. I'm flying!

Why don't men take hints?

1. Logic versus emotion. It is a well-known fact that men are “left-hemisphere logicians,” while women are “controlled” by the right hemisphere, which gives them advantages over men in the form of more developed speech and a larger palette of emotions. Hence the great need for feelings, and tireless chatter, and allegory. Moreover, thanks to this difference, women have more developed intuition, memory, and imaginative thinking. She can do a thousand things at the same time: hint, sulk for not understanding the hint, and love so much that “she would kill the bastard if she could then revive him.”

1. Costs of education. Men are taught from childhood to restrain their emotions. They are weakness. And when in adult life men see a manifestation of weakness in the form of women’s tears, they are lost. They were not taught to feel sorry and navigate when a woman wants to be pitied, and when she is trying to seem strong and pity will be regarded as humiliation. Therefore, they prefer to be told not in hints, but directly, what actions are expected of them.
2. Male psychology. It is structured differently than women's. Where a woman needs support and participation, a man needs absolute peace. Tired after exhausting work, a scandal with his superiors, traffic jams and God knows what other problems that happened during the day, he is unlikely to hear the hint. He will even have difficulty hearing the truth directly. It’s better not to pester a man who is in a state of “leave me, old lady, I’m sad,” with hints. He definitely won’t solve women’s puzzles.
3. Survival instinct. Nature made sure that the man saw the goal of the “mammoth” and did not see details that distracted from the main thing. Women, on the contrary, focus on the little things in order to see the whole picture and better “orient themselves on the ground.” That’s why men are bad at distinguishing nuances, details, shades of colors, emotions, words and moods. It is useless to expect a man to understand why a woman walks around all evening with her lips pursed and silent. However, in her understanding, this is an eloquent allusion to his forgotten wedding anniversary.
4. A hint without a hint. After numerous “bumps” from unsolved hints, men try to recognize hints where there are none. But again it passes by, and again a lump from the same “forest” appears: “You don’t understand me! And I never understood!” How can men understand what is said is a hint, what is a half-hint, what is a half-truth, and what is the truth? And how do they know what is urgent and important in a woman’s understanding; what is urgent, but not so important; what is important, but not at all urgent; and what is neither important nor urgent?

Women are amazing and we men will never fully understand them. A woman lives in a completely different reality, in a world of halftones, emotions and relationships.

He has amazing natural intuitiveness, speaks beautifully, subtly and gracefully - WITH HINTS.

This is wonderful. There's just one problem... Men don't have that superpower. I don't know where the practice came from: hinting instead of saying openly. But this is just a disaster.

If you speak directly, a man will easily fit your wishes and thoughts into his picture of the world, carefully allocating a separate shelf for them.

This is how it happened historically

When the ball is on the ground, boys kick it, and girls pick it up and press it to their chest.

These are involuntary actions formed evolutionarily, the foundations of male and female psychology that have survived to this day.

In ancient times, a man hunted and fought - these activities would be last on the list if one wanted to develop sensitivity and empathy. But for a woman, communication was daily, because she...

Going against nature costs you more.

What does he mean?

A man doesn't hear your hints. And he still doesn’t see where you left them. You slip a volume of Dostoevsky under the toilet door for him to educate himself. And he sees that the book is lying under the door. And not that his vocabulary is lame.

You interpret words that are taken literally in your own way, and then it turns out that he meant something completely different.

If you take elementary frankness with hostility, there will be no roundabout ways - you

Hints and flirting

Historically, men have always been weak in terms of sentiment. If a guy, he acted on the principle of “I came, I saw, I conquered.”

And whoever turned out to be bolder, who was able to express his feelings as clearly as possible, won. “Whose woman? Draw? I’m taking it!” - Throw it over your shoulder and carry it away.

Now everything is different. You can get hit in the face by the shoulder. And not from a competitor, but from a woman. And also out of pride.

Therefore, men began to be careful, they learned, but they didn’t see your hints and still don’t see them... Therefore, I want to immediately answer one of the most interesting women’s questions.

How to hint to a guy that you like him?

Come up and say: “I like you.” Ideal, in my opinion. Boring? But it's reliable! And it’s clear! Scary? Isn’t it scary to live your whole life regretting that you didn’t try?

Understand: even the boldest, most opaque hints can be interpreted as a joke or simply good attitude.

Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish. As they say, “good attitude has become so rare that it is often confused with flirting.”

So don't hint. Speak. You can write if you are embarrassed to say it to your face. The main thing is to be direct. When the shock passes (girls rarely talk directly about sympathy), he will be simply happy. And he may even reciprocate your feelings.

Even if not, you can definitely count on respect for your courage.

A simple skill - “communicate without hints” and you will become the dream of any man. On this occasion I have 3 simple tips:

1. Think less

If something is bothering you, especially in a relationship, there is no need to think anything through. You will stop sleeping at night, you will become thoughtful at first, then nervous.

Think less, or... Life is too short to waste it on brain torture and sleeping pills.

2. End negotiations with yourself.

Women have this peculiarity. You will now understand what I mean.

Has there ever been a situation: you need to talk to him and you are figuring out all the possible outcomes of the conversation in your head? His reactions, his words, answers to your questions.

So, you don't get feedback from real person, not from your own, but from your inner opinion about him. From myself. Sound familiar? Write in the comments how you ended up with such showdowns.

There is no need to talk to a man in your thoughts - it is not effective. This will not change the state of affairs.

3. Don't be afraid to hurt

If you express your thoughts softly and in a feminine way, kindly, through a proposal and not a claim, there is no point in being afraid of the truth.

While you are worried, you generate resentment in yourself - because HE does not understand you. And the moment will come when the edges will overflow and you will pour all your negativity onto it. At such moments, relationships come apart at the seams.

If you say what you think without any complaints, nothing bad will happen.

Practice!

Learn to express your opinion and express your desires. The more often you express your thoughts and desires, the easier it will be to speak directly.

And this is a professional woman. For your happiness, for men's peace of mind.

You may be surprised, but try it yourself. For once, tell him honestly what you want and see how quickly you get it. Experiment and don’t be afraid of your “I want”!

I believe in you,
Yaroslav Samoilov.

Children most often experience this phenomenon. For some reason, adults strive to express their love to them through food, which can sometimes take the form of real violence with food. Today we’ll talk about what feeding is and how it manifests itself in childhood and adulthood.

Family psychologists say that parents and grandmothers most often feed their children with the best intentions, but at the same time they completely deny the child’s boundaries, which causes them to make a big mistake. Moreover, their difficult life also leaves a certain imprint on the views of the older generation. For many of them, food was an important issue of survival, and thinness in those years was actually considered a sign of illness. In almost every family today you can find a person who has been touched in one way or another by hunger and severe restrictions. And it is these injuries that lead to the formation of the wrong attitude that food can disappear, so you need to eat to your heart’s content while it is available. Hence the beliefs about an empty plate and the fact that you should never throw away bread.

At the same time, few people think that force-feeding a child is a real form of domestic violence. And conversations in the style: “if you don’t eat, you won’t grow” or “if you’re thin, you won’t get married”, this is just a projection of the fears of adults onto children.

But the problem does not end with children; quite often there are situations when adults feed adults. In this case, we are often talking about some specific products that a person does not eat, but is forced to eat. Moreover, in this situation, no one will stand with a spoon in your face or forbid you to leave the table. Most often, the meal looks quite noble, but you cannot refuse it, because you depend on the inviter.

And it also happens that men force-feed their women so that they gain weight (this disorder even has an official name - feederism). Yes, in fact, there are no fewer such stories than stories about forced weight loss. Psychologists say that in this case, the partner perceives his soul mate solely as an object, and not as a living person with his own desires and needs, and does not care at all about his boundaries. For some, food becomes an element of sexual play, but this is only normal if it occurs by mutual consent of the partners, otherwise we return to violence again.

The consequences of overfeeding go far beyond just excess weight because they have a serious impact on the psyche. Children who were fed in childhood are very poorly oriented in their own feelings, for example, they cannot notice the feelings of hunger and satiety. They simply don’t feel when they are hungry or when it’s time to stop.

In children's and adolescence Children form a relationship with food, the child understands which foods he likes and which he doesn’t, learns to distinguish between feelings of hunger and satiety, etc. And in order to avoid problems with food in adulthood, it is very important for children to learn to eat in the amount that their body needs. In addition, feeding always negatively affects the relationship between the child and the one who feeds him. If you force your child to eat, he will hate you much more than if you force him to do his homework. That is why you should not persuade your child to eat and run after him with a plate; when he gets hungry, he will simply ask for food himself. Unfortunately, the common model of upbringing often does not involve taking into account the interests of the child; parents inform him when he eats, which is not always correct.

In adults, feeding can lead not only to the complete destruction of boundaries, but also to the feeling that no one takes your opinion into account. Often such treatment provokes the development of eating disorders - constant overeating or, on the contrary, refusal to eat. In the situation of force-feeding itself, a person will be constantly angry that he showed weakness or feel guilty because he refused food and offended a loved one.

IN childhood Both undernutrition and overeating are equally dangerous. If you think your child is eating too little, he or she underweight or digestive problems, do not rush to grab a spoon, it is better to contact medical care. A consultation with a nutritionist and endocrinologist will certainly help you identify the problem and solve it without violence.

Overeating can cause excess weight and eating disorders in adolescence and adulthood. You should not force your child to finish everything on his plate or to eat food that he does not like. If your baby systematically refuses to eat, try to reconsider his diet; sometimes it helps to simply remove snacks from it and reduce the number of sweets.

If you constantly feel the desire to feed your loved ones, including adults, try to understand what causes it. Very often the need to force feed others masks quite deep psychological problems or unfulfilled needs. Sometimes this behavior is prompted by family or social attitudes instilled in childhood. In this case, you should apply for psychological help, in order to normalize your own behavior in this area and not impose it on your family members.

Laughter through tears: how to distinguish mood swings from a serious disorder

The most common mental health problems worldwide are mood disorders. This is exactly the case when it’s funny now, but a minute later you want to cry. Psychiatrists told how to distinguish character traits from a real mental problem.

Mood is emotions that are in constant motion, and therefore mood is prone to constant changes. For the normal functioning of the psyche, both positive and negative emotions are equally important, since they help to correctly perceive what is happening around us, including empathizing with other people.

Moreover, emotions are caused not by the events themselves, but by our individual reactions to them, which, in turn, are determined by our physiological and mental characteristics.

In a healthy person, the complex system of mood regulation is quite well balanced. For example, you are sad because of a quarrel with a friend and against this background you may even refuse to eat. But after a while, the mood normalizes and the worries fade into the background. If the disorder drags on, this is a reason for concern and reflection about what has unsettled you for so long.

Affective disorders are a very large group of mental illnesses, which are mainly expressed by mood swings. In this situation, emotions cease to perform their usual functions and literally begin to deceive and exaggerate you. For example, your boss didn’t say hello to you at work, and you immediately thought that he was dreaming of firing you.

The most difficult thing in this case is to find that very line between normality and disorder. In addition, mood disorders can often co-occur with other disorders, making diagnosis even more difficult.

The main symptoms of affective disorders:

• The mood is radically different from usual and this lasts more than 2 weeks (and the changes can be both for the better and for the worse).
• Sudden changes in sleep patterns.
• Decreased performance.
• Changes in relationships with loved ones.
• Constant discomfort in the body.

It is also difficult to name a specific cause for such problems. As a rule, several factors are involved in their development: heredity, psychological characteristics, living conditions, etc.

The main danger of such disorders is that over time they can lead to maladjustment (that is, difficulties in adapting to the surrounding reality). And inappropriate reactions can seriously complicate life and ruin relationships with friends or loved ones.

If you suspect that you or someone close to you has an affective disorder, contact a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who will help you choose the treatment that is right for you (the regimen is drawn up individually for each patient).

And to support your psyche and help it get better, try to avoid stress and set yourself a clear daily routine. The main condition for mood balance is balance and order in life. So get on with it right now.

Am I normal: how to assess your mental health

Diagnosing mental problems is actually not that easy. Today we will tell you how to determine that “normal” state and what behavior a mentally healthy person exhibits.

It is quite difficult for many people, especially those of the old school, to find the strength to recognize the existence of psychologists and psychotherapists, and even more so to turn to them for help. It is difficult for them to admit to themselves and to strangers that something is wrong with them. But who can really determine this? And where does the line of normal lie? And most importantly, how do you understand that you really need help?

Normal and disease

WHO defines mental health as well-being, which allows a person to do several things:

• Realize your potential
• Coping with everyday stress
• Work efficiently
• Make some contribution to public life

Another important point on this list is whether a person has a certain value system. A mentally healthy person feels comfortable in society, can be aware of his own and other people’s emotions, communicate with people and enjoy it. At the same time, he feels comfortable and safe among other people.

As for mental illnesses, defining them is much more difficult. Moreover, the word “illness” in relation to the psyche is no longer used at all; it has been replaced by the more correct term “disorder”.

Change the norm

The biggest challenge with mental disorders is diagnosing them. Not only are the criteria quite vague, but there are also no objective methods, much less equipment.

Unlike somatic diseases, mental illnesses develop rather slowly and the doctor cannot always suspect in time that something has gone wrong. In this case, the clinical picture will be very important, which can tell the doctor a lot. But there is a catch here - patients’ stories can sometimes be too subjective, and they can be interpreted in very different ways. Some may even find it very difficult to describe their internal sensations, and this also makes diagnosis much more difficult.

It also happens that even experienced psychiatrists cannot distinguish true patients from those who are simply feigning madness.

What is harmful to the psyche

How resilient your psyche can be is determined by several psychological factors. Each person is born with a certain susceptibility of the nervous system, in addition, certain mental problems can be inherited from their parents.

And there are also environmental factors that also affect mental health. Violence, socio-economic problems, chronic stress, discrimination - all this inevitably leaves its mark on human health and psyche. But the psyche cannot simply “break” from one such impact; at first it will try with all its might to adapt.

As a rule, this begins in childhood; if the baby grows in harmony, then his psyche also develops accordingly and learns adaptation strategies that will be useful to him in the future. But growing up in a problematic family teaches a child to adapt in ways that will hinder him in adulthood.

The formation of his personality will directly depend on the age at which a child encounters a particular traumatic event and how he reacts to it. In clinical psychiatry there are three levels of mental disorder:

• Neurotic (temporary conditions)
• Psychopathic (personality disorders)
• Psychotic (hallucinations, disturbances of consciousness, thinking disorders).

There are no fairly clear boundaries between all these levels, so they can “flow” from one to another. In addition, in psychology there is another intermediate level - borderline. In this case, the person is in a state that can be considered neurosis, but cannot be attributed to obvious mental problems.

Experts are convinced that what younger child, the more severe the trauma is inflicted on his psyche. In this case, no traces remain in his memory, but bodily experiences and a basic belief in the threat of the world around him will be fixed.

For example, people with a psychotic personality type often faced severe deprivations in childhood (primarily emotional and sensory). Such children were rarely picked up and did not respond to their cries. Moreover, some of the changes that have arisen in the psyche may well be irreversible.

If a person experiences very strong stress, then his psyche can return him to the moment at which the main trauma occurred. Each person will have their own point. This is how a person who is in a borderline state can “slide” into a real disorder.

Sometimes even the person himself does not have time to notice what happened. Chronic stress is a faithful companion of many of us, and against its background it is very difficult to distinguish ordinary fatigue from severe emotional burnout. Usually a person turns to a psychotherapist only in extreme situations - when the problem is already seriously ruining his life.

Personality Features

Another variant of the norm may be accentuation - exacerbation of certain character traits of a person. It is these traits that can often turn into pathological ones and lead to serious problems in life. But this again happens under the influence of very strong stress.

With accentuation, certain features of a person’s character are not always and everywhere noticeable, and this distinguishes this feature from more serious mental disorders. Two main points are very important here: how the person himself is aware of his characteristics and whether he can normally express his emotions.

Behavior that goes beyond the norm cannot always be considered pathological. It is very important to remember the individuality of each person. Not all “bad” and “uncomfortable” character traits indicate mental disorders, and they do not always need to be corrected.

Considering that each of us is a living person, not a robot, and the world around us can be quite unfriendly and angry, we can say that mental health is a very individual indicator of the personal comfort of each of us.

Moreover, absolute mental health does not exist at all. There are no people who are able to remain calm in all situations and social roles. Just different people– again due to their characteristics – they can recover faster from these shocks.

Women are not used to speaking directly when communicating with men, because the main weapon of a representative of the fair sex is seduction, a sweet smile, feminine tricks and hints. The ladies understand each other perfectly, sometimes even surprising themselves at the fact how sensitively they can react to their friend’s unnoticeable hints. But men often have different priorities, but their behavior has a genetic basis.

Why don't men take hints?

Men's thinking is different due to the vast historical experience that ancient hunters received many millennia ago. At a time when there was no talk of any hints, the foundations of men’s perception of the world were already being laid. The representative of the stronger sex spent most of his time occupied with obtaining food for the family - hunting wild animals. This activity was extremely dangerous and required enormous endurance and concentration. The main thing in it was one big goal - a mammoth, a bison, a bull, that is, any large animal. The male brain has since become accustomed to seeing one big goal and striving to satisfy it. No interference, obstacles or hints can switch his brain to something else.

Women, on the other hand, were gatherers. Their task was to see as many small targets as possible at once - fruits, berries, herbs, nuts. Therefore, they were forced to notice everything, to grasp information on the fly. And today girls can draw conclusions based on their partner’s mood that is not noticeable from the outside, his awkwardly thrown word, or his atypical actions.

The behavior of modern man has changed little since those ancient times. And today, men see specific big goals for themselves: they need to get enough, relax, have fun, get work done. In women with increased emotional background and due to the fragmentation of attention, everything is different: the husband did not thank him for dinner, did not understand the hint about washing the dishes and helping around the house - this is a reason for resentment.

How to behave with men

A woman should be wiser. Often she knows that a man doesn’t understand hints, but she continues to make them anyway, wondering why her partner doesn’t hear her. There is nothing surprising in this; a man needs to say everything directly. Moreover, not when the negativity has already accumulated and all the unspoken reproaches come out of the mouth to spark a big quarrel, but immediately. The husband and lover will not be offended by a direct request; they will immediately understand it and try to fulfill it. Both a woman and a man will benefit from this state of affairs, because timely priorities, expressed requests and designated responsibilities will help maintain peace in the relationship.

https://site/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/1564667479_371637d9f4dde6cdb3e6971e39c8c024.jpg

Trying to figure out if a girl likes you is not an easy task. The signs can be subtle, and if you misunderstand them, you can ruin everything. But even if she tries to hint at her feelings herself, some still manage to miss this hint, no matter how obvious it may be. Here are 15 stories whose heroes only confirmed the stereotype that men need to say everything directly. Have you found yourself in similar situations? 😉

1.

One day in high school, I walked into class, an acquaintance, a very pretty girl, came up to me and said: “Do you know that Rodrigo and I broke up?” I replied, “I’m so sorry!” - and moved on.
Then I thought about this situation all evening. Why did I learn about this from her? Why did she choose to say this to me? Why did she smile when she spoke?

The next time I saw her, I asked her what she was doing on the weekend. She replied: “Nothing. Do you want to go to the cinema? Only then did I understand what was happening. At that moment I turned away from the date. And, as it turned out, families.

2.

Several years ago I lived with my then boyfriend. Being in a playful mood, I suggested that he take a shower together, like saving water there and all that. Do you know what he answered? "For what? We don't pay for it." It would be better to remain silent.

3.

A girl kisses me in a dark bedroom at her birthday party. Whispers: “You better leave before we do something stupid.” I nodded and left.

4.

I didn't notice something completely obvious, right?
I was talking to a girl in a bar outside the city. We found out that I am 32 cm taller than her. She said, “It's funny. Tomorrow I was just going on a date with a guy who is 32 cm taller than me. I think the meeting will be hot!” My answer? "Mm, strange coincidence."
I only realized when I was on the plane flying home.

5.

I approached my boyfriend.
Me: “This suit suits you so well! But it would look even better on the floor.”
Guy: “But then he’ll be crumpled!”

6.

She: “There is free space in my tent, if you want, join me!”
Me: “Thank you, I have my own.”
That's why my friends say I'm slow.

7.

We lie in the dark in my room, watching TV. 2am. She starts applying strawberry-flavored gloss to her lips.
Me: “Why are you wearing makeup?”
She: “This strawberry glitter tastes so good...”
Me: “Haha, you’re weird.”
She: “Would you like to try?”
Me: “No, I already know what he is like.”
Remembering this at night, I begin to hate myself.

8.

Let's correspond.
She: “Will you go to the party?”
Me: “Hardly. It will most likely be boring."
She: “Yeah.. I think I’ll stay home.”
Me: “Maybe that’s a good idea.”
She: “Well, yes. Moreover, I will be here alone, the others have left.”
Me: “I’m lucky, I always have someone.”
She: “In short, I’ll be at home, completely alone. Since the party is so-so.”
I am OK".

9.

Once I was texting with my boyfriend, saying that I bought a vibrator for when he works at night and so on. He responded, verbatim: “Oh, cool, what color?” I sent a photo, he replied: “Can I even hit him in the ass?” Me: “Come and let’s check.” After 2 minutes he replies: “Come on, I already Googled it.”

10.

A few years ago I volunteered at my school for a holiday. primary classes. He stood in a costume of a big bear, the symbol of the school. It was quite boring, and I felt like some kind of pedophile when the children hugged me, buried their faces in my belt due to their height and twirled around all the time. My shift was already coming to an end when a girl my age (17 years old) ran up to me, tore off my doll’s head and ran away. I wasn't going to pay for the damn bear's head if she didn't give it back, so I gave chase. She ran into an empty classroom, in which the lights were off and the curtains were tightly drawn, and said: “Oh, look, Mister Bear, I have your head in my hands, what a bad girl I am.” I was infuriated that she took it away, and, completely not noticing the hint, I took my head back and yelled “CHILDREN NEED ME!!!” and stormed out of class.

11.

One day I stayed overnight with a friend I really liked. This was the first time we had to sleep in the same bed. She: “Just so you know, you can’t sleep in jeans in my bed. You'll have to take them off." Me: “Strange rule, no, let them stay on me.”
It's still a shame.

12.

My friend was working on his PhD, he was very busy, I only saw him once every few weeks. There was a very nice girl next to him; they saw each other often, despite the fact that he was writing his doctorate and she was busy with her master's work. They constantly corresponded, went to dinner together, it was quite obvious that they were dating, both seemed to me similar and very interesting people.

I met him as he was finishing his work and asked him what his plans were for the future. He replied that he wanted to ask her to date. This confused me because I thought they had been dating for at least six months. When asked if he slept with her, he replied that yes, every time she stayed with him overnight, which was 5 days a week. Did you go somewhere together? Yes, I took you to a cafe. Do you like communicating with her? Yes, I like to talk to her always and about everything. I say: “Friend, this all looks suspiciously like a relationship, don’t you think?”

And then he says: “Oh, then this explains this to me!” and shows her a text message: “We’re half a year old, congratulations! :D." Even after that, he wasn't sure. Yes, my friend is a brake. But they are still together.

13.

One day a girl asked if she could use my shower and left the door wide open as an invitation. I decided to show myself as a funny guy and started throwing ice cubes at her. There is no forgiveness for me.

14.

Girl: “Shall we go and talk in a quieter place?”
Me: “It’s not that noisy here, speak up.”
I'm just a certified dumbass.

15.

Me: “You know, you’re cute, I like you. Very".
He: “Um, thanks.”
Having come to terms with my unrequited love, I decided that I was still glad to be his friend.
After 3 months, he had to spend hours calming me down after unpleasant events, and in the end he said that he really liked me for six months. When I asked why he didn't say anything when I confessed my feelings to him, he said, "Well, I wasn't sure if you liked me."