Leave me alone: ​​how to improve relationships with a teenager. How to improve relationships with a teenager (A. Ponomarenko) How to improve relationships with a teenager

Sooner or later, parents have a question about how to improve their relationship with their teenage daughter, so as not just to maintain it, but to improve it. Establishing contact is important not only from the point of view of organizing peace in the family, but also from the need to control the changes occurring in the child. Every parent should see warning signs in time, but this is only possible with complete trust and good relationships.

In this article we will talk about the features of passing adolescence in girls. We will pay the most important attention to how to properly establish relationships with her, how to return them if the authority of the parents is lost, and the child has begun to trust more of a different social group.

The teenager begins to prepare for adulthood. He is undergoing changes in emotional sphere, there is a need to choose a life path, but still higher value has a social group.

Parents are no longer an authority, the opinions of friends have more weight, and this is often associated with the involvement of children in illegal actions. A wise and patient parent can learn to establish contact with their daughter and help her get through a difficult period painlessly.

Until recently, a little girl climbed onto her mother’s lap, asked for advice, shared her experiences, but suddenly the moment came when all this ended. My daughter is still young physiologically, but she already wants to feel like an adult, to do and speak like an adult. At the same time, parents continue to treat her as a child, often not taking into account the emergence of new needs and social roles.

Any request from the mother or father is met with resistance; the teenager may withdraw into himself, refuse to do homework, housework, and be rude. Parents do not understand what the problem is, because, from their point of view, they wish only the best for their daughter.

Change hormonal levels, problems with self-identity, relationships with peers are often experienced quite difficult by teenagers, and the task of parents is not to put pressure and force, but to help and accept changes.

Stormy showdowns, attempts to give and force to do what parents require can have the following consequences:

• the child will withdraw into himself;
• the girl will grow up lacking initiative, surrendering to the pressure of her parents and fulfilling all their demands;
• a teenager may begin to resist, be rude, start scandals, throw a tantrum;
• in severe cases, the child may leave home unable to withstand the pressure.

In all these cases, immediate adjustment is required intra-family relations. This does not mean that parents should give the girl complete freedom and indulge her whims. Education and relationship building should be done carefully and thoughtfully, and in some cases the help of a psychologist may be required.

How to improve relationships

The very first thing parents must do is admit that there is a problem. Adults often consider themselves to be right, forgetting that time and views change, and a child is a person to be reckoned with. A few tips will help improve your relationship.

• Be calm. A violent reaction will cause the girl to become frightened, withdraw into herself, or begin to resist. Shouting and accusations reduce trust and lead to the loss of parental authority. Yes, it can be difficult to restrain yourself and not show emotions openly, but a calm clarification of the relationship can do as much as possible.
• Try to understand the teenager. The daughter has her own views on life, and the older she gets, the more these views may diverge from her parents. This is fine. Remember yourself at that age, you wanted to think independently, decide, do, achieve. Adolescence is a crisis period when a child must decide on many things.
• Give your daughter the opportunity to gain life experience. This does not mean weakening control at all. Every parent should inform a teenager about the dangers and measures to prevent them, but we cannot always control the child. Experience is what will allow you to act effectively in adulthood, because your parents will not always be there.
• Pay attention. A teenager is often emotionally unstable and needs support. Girls are especially vulnerable during puberty, because not only the inner world, but also the physical appearance changes.

  However, attention should not be intrusive. If a teenager does not want to share something now, then it is worth leaving the conversation for another time. If a girl asks for advice on her own, then you cannot ignore this fact and refer to how busy she is, otherwise next time she simply won’t approach her, and her parents won’t know about serious problems.

• Don't push your child away, no matter what happens. Each of us has made mistakes in life. Teenagers still know little about life and are often lost. Even a girl who wants to seem like an adult needs support and understanding. Listen to her without criticism, without accusations, try to keep your emotions to yourself. Give me some advice. The most better relationship They meet with teenagers in those families where it is customary to listen to each other.
• Stop imposing your views. Understand that a child's interests are different from those of their parents. Mother and father do not always like what their child is doing. Perhaps you wanted your daughter to study to become a lawyer, but she prefers music. Yes, every parent wants a better future for their child, but maybe the future lies in the ability to determine one’s own path in life?
• Engage in joint activities. It could be anything: shopping, cleaning, a trip to the country, attending social events, sports. Cooperative activity unites, allows a teenager to look at the child differently, and for the teenager to look at his parents. You may be interested in competitions that require the participation of the whole family.
• Make physical contact. Touching, hugging the shoulders when a teenager feels bad, lightly stroking the head helps to calm down and feel closeness. However, it happens that a teenager does not like being touched. This often occurs in families where open expression of feelings is not accepted and the child has been deprived of this since childhood.

  Touch is especially important for girls, because they are more emotional and need close contact. Invite your teenager to braid her hair. The girl can also help comb her mother's hair.

• Consult with your daughter. When parents ask a teenager for advice, he begins to feel like he belongs to the family, which means the contact becomes closer.

Time will help you survive the crisis

Misunderstandings between parents and teenagers during a crisis occur in most families. This is a normal age-related phenomenon that must be experienced. This does not mean that parents should let everything take its course and give the girl complete freedom. Adolescence is a period of self-determination, learning, and personality development. At this time, the girl is approaching the period of adulthood, she needs her mother’s support and acceptance.

Remember: criticism, excessive pressure, imposition of one’s own opinion can alienate a teenager from his parents. The ability to listen, give wise and calm advice, and show concern will do much more to establish relationships.

Only with patience and understanding of teenage psychology can you change the situation and establish a warm and harmonious relationship with your daughter.

Oksana Manoilo and I will talk today about how to improve relationships with a teenager.

Below in the article we will try to understand the causes, consequences and what to do to improve relationships with a growing child.

The childhood of a beloved child is fleeting. Suddenly we realize that our child is no longer a sweet, chubby-cheeked baby, but is already quite an adult who is learning to defend his opinion.

And it very often happens that this time of transition from childhood to adulthood in your child’s life becomes perhaps the most difficult period of your interaction with him. And then, imperceptibly, the moment comes when we suddenly ask ourselves the question: “How to improve relationships with a teenager?”

Very often, sad mothers, exhausted by a series of endless quarrels with their recently smiling and soft, but now unpredictable and wayward children, ask the question: “How can I improve our relationship with my son/daughter?”

And they don’t realize that the question has been posed fundamentally wrong. Improving your relationship with a teenager is impossible. You can only improve MY attitude towards a teenage child. This is a huge difference.

The most important thing to remember about adolescence.

In general, there is one axiom that would be good to learn and remember for everyone who, one way or another, encounters a teenage environment. There cannot be simple, easy relationships with constant love and peace with teenage children.

Simply because teenagers live in terrible torment due to a huge number of factors. These are hormonal surges and the inclusion of programs of disidentification with parents, preparing for the departure into adult “free swimming” in the near future. And the “favorite baby” program is still tenaciously holding on, and the rejection of one and the desire for the other, and then at the same time and exactly the opposite.

And misunderstanding on the part of others, and uncontrolled changes emotional state from unbridled fun to a state of anger and total anger, and the presence of desire in the absence of opportunities, and, conversely, the reluctance to express oneself in an environment that forces activity, failure to accept oneself as new, and much, much more.

Another point is that indigo children, and this is a significant proportion of children who are teenagers these days, carry with them serious and difficult programs for implementation.

These programs lead to the development of situations around such children where they have to literally “take the fire”, which, of course, gives rise to problems both at school and in the team.

And this is all with their innate desire to “star,” to be visible, the desire to be “first,” winners, and so on. They cannot hide themselves, they did not come into this world for this, and it turns out that because of this quality of theirs, before they are fully formed, they “row to the fullest.”

Therefore, even if a teenager wanted to live in love and affection, he just can’t do it, because the cross of being a teenager is too heavy, especially now.

How to improve relationships?

So one more time. I need to improve MY attitude towards my teenage child, especially in those moments when he feels bad. It is necessary for me not to be nervous, for me not to suffer, for me to love him at this moment. And this all happens only in the presence of two factors.

The first is the understanding that he simply cannot behave differently. And the second is the mother’s internal resourcefulness and fullness. Moreover, making sure that you yourself are in a state of harmony and balance is the main thing.

Provocative behavior of a teenager

There is one more point. Often, a teenager's provocative behavior towards a parent may occur because the parent... Teenage rage manifests itself as an unconscious violent reaction in response to our hypocrisy. A simple example. The mother wants to strangle her son for his boorish behavior, but she “saves face” and pretends that everything is fine.

She does not recognize his right to behave this way and holds back her indignation. The teenager feels this rejection and ambivalence towards himself and takes it out of the parent through obscene behavior. Therefore, the mother’s task is to honestly admit to herself - my son is infuriating me, how can I cope with this rage.

It is curious that just recognizing the presence within oneself, pronouncing it and accepting it as a given, can reduce the intensity of passions by half. And there is absolutely no need to get to the bottom of the reasons why the teenager causes such negativity.

Maybe he’s infuriating because in a past life you were embodied as lovers and he betrayed, and you were betrayed and, perhaps, there were cruel consequences of such betrayal in your destiny. Or maybe in one of your lives he was embodied by your father and forced you to starve to death...

There were a great many options for mutual traumatic scenarios in the now ended three-dimensional difficult era of Kali. And now we often see only the manifestation of one or another of the strongest emotions accumulated by generations before us, so why be surprised and why should we look for the reasons? The task is to admit that he is simply infuriating with his behavior.

How to improve relationships with your teenage daughter or son.

After you have taken off the mask and recognized your right to experience a negative emotion, the next task is to admit that he feels bad too. However, you shouldn’t be zealous here either. How many mothers whose children go through this difficult age are torn between aggression and... Guilt is also an aggressive emotion, a sort of “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” and it certainly won’t help improve relationships.

It is important to know that, despite the troubles that befall a teenager, despite the fact that he is now going through a very difficult period, this torment was chosen by him even before incarnation and he will definitely, having gone through this, discover something valuable in himself later.

Be sure to find something in your favorite teenager that you can completely sincerely and honestly admire, even if it’s just socks put away or a plate washed once. Only honesty works with children.

What exactly to do to resolve conflicts with teenagers

In moments when it’s really hard, take a pen and sheets of paper, go alone and write out all the rage and indignation without embellishment and obscenely, if necessary.

Then read what you have written as many times as necessary so that the text does not evoke any more emotions in you and you read it like a newspaper article. Writing it out helps to unload the negative “thought stirrer” from the head and significantly relieves the intensity of passions.

Later, it would be good to write down with the same diligence everything for which you are grateful to your child, everything good that you learned thanks to him.

But all the same, this is all secondary. The most important and basic thing is to love the child as he is now, without trying to make him easy and comfortable. Because as long as you make efforts to “smooth” him, to bring him “in proper form,” he will resist. But self-love, accepting yourself in any manifestation and allowing yourself to BE, will give rise to exactly the same attitude towards your beloved being, who is not yet an adult, but no longer a baby.

Love will carry you both through this difficult period of formation, the period of preparation of a teenager to bloom like a magical flower, and will preserve your invisible connection with each other, multiplying and strengthening it, taking it to a whole new level.

You can establish a relationship with a teenager very quickly and simply by following the simple practices from my video. The results will amaze you in the coming days!

Just go to another page of the site and practice right now, don’t delay!

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anonymously

My son is 15 years old, I am divorced, we live together with my son. We have had a very tense relationship for the last year. He talks to me very rudely, calls me names, thinks that I am “too correct”, considers all my good human qualities (kindness, honesty) to be shortcomings , because “everyone is angry now and this is the norm”, “you need to live taking care of yourself, and not waste time helping other people.” He thinks that I have achieved nothing in life, that I earn little, and in general evaluates me critically. He studies well at school, his behavior at school is normal, there are no complaints from the school about him. He really doesn’t like it when during school year I ask questions about how things are at school, what grades he got - he says that I “annoyed” him. I don’t like it when I call from work and ask if everything is fine when he comes home from school. The most common phrase in relation to me is: “you got me,” although what I ask him is, in my opinion, ordinary parental concern. He spends a lot of time at home, does not strive to communicate with peers, and most of all likes to watch TV. Tell me how to improve the relationship.

Hello! The transitional age of children is a very difficult period for most parents: teenagers are aggressive, often rude, lazy to study and do not want to help around the house. And many teenagers during this period generally consider their parents to be enemy number one! “Transitional age” is an inevitable consequence of modern civilization. In the old days, life was much harder, and children took on a significant portion of the difficulties early on, which accelerated their growth. But with the development of civilization, everything became more complicated. It took a period of transition from childhood to adulthood. From the point of view of a teenager, an “adult” is someone who can do what children are not allowed to do. For example: drinking, smoking, swearing and coming home late. And if you do all this, then everyone will probably understand that you have grown up and become an adult. This problematic option is familiar to many. But those parents who, from childhood, instill in their child maturity and a sense of responsibility have much fewer problems. In some families, for example, when there is no father in the family, the children grow up early and the eldest son plays the role of the father. He has no need to prove anything to anyone. If you involve him in household duties only at fifteen, it is impossible to explain to a teenager why now he needs to help around the house. By explaining to him that he is already an adult, you will hear in response a reproach that just a month ago he was considered small and allowed to do nothing, but now for some reason he has “grown up” sharply. Why does a teenager react with hostility to any of our requests? A teenager has an age crisis, he is building a new, more adult vision of himself, and the most effective method- abandon everything previous, “childish” (they call this the term “rebuild”). This is why the spirit of contradiction is so natural for teenagers. Sometimes it will be much stronger, according to the principle: the stronger your action, the more powerful its reaction. That is, the teenager is more likely to refuse to fulfill our request, which is expressed in a directive tone, from a position of power. Here you need to act in the same way as with dishes. Ask, explain your excitement and concern. Your chances of being heard will only increase. Good luck and patience. It seems to me that what is much more important for him now is the authoritative opinion of an older comrade or friend..! Obviously, you are raising him yourself, or the guy simply does not have proper support from his father, and then the situation is much clearer..! Try to turn the situation around for the better, involve some of the older and more authoritative men in raising your son. He needs to be helped to go through the growing up stage with the least possible losses. But of course, don’t follow his lead, because by poking him with his desires and cajoling him, you will only make things worse, and at the same time, you will completely lose your authority in his face! Here parents will have to resort to cunning. For example, refer to fatigue, poor health and ask for help with the dishes. It’s better not to blame your teenager for laziness, but just ask, because you really get tired after work. And most likely the reaction will be positive.

Being a teenager is very difficult. Filled with the energy released in the physiological changes of puberty, obsessed with the emerging need for independence, full of expectations of future success in great life, a teenager goes through difficult trials in search of his own path in a new world for him. And if you take into account that there are no beaten paths, you can easily understand the curiosity and anxiety that teenagers cause in their parents.
We must understand one important issue, difficult for both teenagers and parents. Adults need to create conditions for the development of adolescents and this must be done with the same care as in childhood, when sharp objects that posed a danger to him were removed from the baby’s path. We need to respect the dignity of teenagers, help them develop a sense of proper self-esteem and give when necessary useful tips- all this contributes to the development of their personal and social maturity.

Parents must understand the sudden changes in a teenager’s mood, hobbies that seem strange at first glance, eccentric behavior, a new vocabulary, and sometimes deliberately unsuccessful endeavors.
To successfully survive all the adventures of adolescence, both parents and teenagers need to have a good idea of ​​how to get out of critical situations. Constantly emerging problems that need to be solved require a lot of effort from the teenager, sometimes involving risk.

It is impossible to quickly and easily solve all the problems of adolescence. Both parents and teenagers must be patient and continue to work, talk to each other, love each other. During this period, everyone in the family begins to see those around them in a new way, everyone should, as it were, get to know each other again. Whether you will go through this stage with the least losses will depend on what prevails in the family - love or fear.

I often tell parents: “If what you restrict your children from is not forbidden, immoral or too expensive, give up the restrictions and allow them to do what they want.”
Every adult who reads this book has already experienced adolescence. In memory of him, some have scars, some have wounds that are still healing, but everyone has their own experience, acquired through trial and error. The difference between rewarding experiences and experiences that leave deep scars can be explained as follows. Useful experience appears when a person, relying on his wisdom, copes with conflicts and depression, takes responsibility for everything that happens and is ready to face new life problems. Scars appear when the spirit fails. A non-healing wound indicates that healing has not occurred and it has not even been covered with a thin skin. The reason for this is difficult psychological and social conditions. My experience practical work convinces that parents strive to do everything so that the crisis of adolescence passes without leaving unhealed marks on their child.
They often anxiously await their children's approach to adolescence. Their own memories of adolescence and numerous horror stories about teenage alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual perversions and malicious hooliganism. We consider topics of sex and violence taboo for teenagers, but we must remember that they are very similar to adults. If an adult is limited in everything, then he, like a teenager, will suffer greatly. Attempts at sexual contact among adolescents are caused by a thirst for tenderness, warmth and intimacy, and increased aggressiveness is the result of a desperate desire not to look weak and dependent.

The solution to both serious and trivial problems depends on whether we know the appropriate algorithms for solving them. If we know a way out of the situation, half the work is already done. To relieve increased anxiety, parents should watch their teenagers and find out what wonderful things are being done by the hands of our children. After all, your child can be one of their co-creators. Have you taken the time to discuss your views on what he is doing? If not, then do it as soon as possible. And if you like some of his actions, then don’t forget to tell him about it every time. Praise him even if he has realized and is honestly trying to correct his mistakes.
As I have already said, the great changes that occur in a child’s body during puberty are associated with a powerful explosion of energy.
This energy must be handled carefully and requires reliable, intelligent and healthy ways of expression. For this it is useful to play sports, do physical exercise, which in turn stimulate mental work.
The teenager’s state can be compared to the state of excited, full of energy racehorses, nervously tapping their hooves and impatiently waiting for the gates to finally open in front of them. They are full of inspiration and certainly want to achieve victory at the races. I think that adults, not understanding the impatience of teenagers and not even wanting to understand it, complicate their lives if they do not help them find a field for interesting and meaningful activities. Teenagers are not monsters or villains at all, they are ordinary people trying to learn to live in the world of adults and not entirely confident in their abilities.

I think adults are most alarmed by the activity and energy of teenagers. Frightened and anxious parents surround their children with all sorts of restrictions. But just the opposite is needed. Teenagers need to be shown reasonable ways to put their energy into action. At the same time, they need love and understanding.

For example, instead of endlessly repeating to your daughter going on a date: “Be careful. Remember that you are a decent girl,” parents should teach her to defend her interests depending on the situation and not to be offended. A young man or woman with clearly defined positions and views can respond to all sorts of parental instructions: “Thank you for the reminder, but what I need now is not what you are talking about, so there is no need to talk about it anymore.”

Only when each person is treated as an individual and learns to value him, then, and only then, is real change possible. I would like parents to feel that they are the sources of knowledge and goodness for their children.

To lay the foundation for future changes in your relationship, I can suggest the following:
1. As a parent, you need to communicate your fears and concerns clearly to your teen so they can understand.
2. As a teenager, you should be honest about what is happening to you and try to make them believe you. You should also talk about your fears and know that you will be listened to without criticism or judgment.
3. You, the parent, must show your willingness to listen and understand. Understanding does not mean forgiveness. It simply creates a solid foundation on which to build further relationships.
4. As a teenager, you must explain to your parents that you need them to listen to you, but not to give advice until you ask them to do so.
5. You, the parent, must understand that the teenager does not necessarily have to follow your advice.

Only by taking all this into account is a meaningful dialogue possible between two equal people and in further development new, constructive forms of behavior.
Many adults, even trying to be understanding and sensitive, continue to take an authoritarian position towards children. I have never seen parents lose authority in their eyes when they honestly admitted that they didn’t know something, or when they showed their children that they understood their condition well and had experienced similar feelings themselves (“I was scared too ...” or “I know how bad you feel when you tell lies,” etc.).

Having helped hundreds of parents and teenagers improve their relationships, I realized that most parents themselves have not yet fully experienced their adolescence. And they do not at all feel like mentors, wise by experience. As a result, it is difficult for them to teach children what they do not yet know themselves. I really sympathize with them. Many adults in such a situation try to “bluff”, that is, they show that they are knowledgeable about something that they actually do not know. Sometimes this behavior produces results, but you should not do this, since teenagers in most cases feel even the slightest falsehood.

I urge parents to honestly admit their ignorance and incompetence, only in this case a trusting relationship will arise with teenagers. Parents and teens can collaborate based on common interests.

I remember one incident with a boy who did not attend school. His parents tried in vain to persuade him and even frightened him, but it was of no use. I found out that the parents did not have a completed education and they vowed to do everything so that their son received it. They wanted to give him what they did not receive themselves. They were guided by love for their son, but the ways in which they forced him to study were perceived by the boy as a manifestation of violence. In the process of psychotherapeutic work, trust arose between parents and son, and they began to listen to each other. It turned out that everyone had the same goal - for the boy to receive an education. And when the son became clear about his parents’ fears, he began to trust them and directed all his efforts to study, but because he himself wanted it, and not because he was forced to study.
The conflicting point in this story was not the goal - getting the son an education, but the “winner-loser” relationship existing in the family. This was expressed in such strict instructions: “I will tell you what to do, and you will do it,” “You must, because it will be useful for you,” etc. It can be assumed that the teenager will answer this: “Where Do you know what I need to do?”, “I won’t do this,” “I don’t care about education.” Many parents and children fall for this bait.
The conversation seemed to be about school, but the subtext and main meaning of all parental admonitions was control and dictate on their part. Parents want to help their child, but their efforts only lead to scandals.
I realized that it is precisely this behavior of parents that is the main stumbling block in the relationship between them and teenagers.

Any conflict between people (regardless of their age, status or gender) caused by violence is fraught with big trouble. Winner-loser relationships create power struggles. The main point of any such struggle is to identify the winner, and people usually believe that one person should win. But I am convinced that when a person loses, it becomes a tragedy not only for him, but also for everyone else: after all, relationships with people are disrupted, self-esteem decreases. Parents and teens need each other, and they must learn to create family relationships that benefit everyone. For example, a teenager says: “It’s only Wednesday, and I’m already out of money. I need more." If the parent takes the position of “winner-loser,” then he will answer: “Very bad. I don’t have any more money and I won’t give you anything.” In a relationship in which both are winners, the parent responds: “This happened to me, and, of course, without money it’s not sweet. I won’t have any more money before payday, but let’s think about how we can still buy what you want, and maybe we’ll learn to calculate our budget better.”
In the first case (controlling), the parent tries to educate, resorting to rudeness and punishment. In another case, the parent and teenager jointly discuss all the problems, look for constructive solutions, and the child feels parental care for him stronger than in the first case. In both cases, the crux of the matter, of course, is not about money.

As teenagers grow up, they have the right to expect wise advice from their parents, and mutual trust is necessary. They will not trust those elders who are not sincere with them. Honesty and sincerity are valued the most.
Adults should not allow themselves to cross certain boundaries in their relationships with children. Everyone should know their place. And everyone must respect generally accepted norms of human communication. Each of us should have the right to our own privacy.

For example, you, a parent, decide that you can, based on the best intentions, allow your teenager to use the car once a week. If you, having given him a car, do not clearly define the conditions (“Sometimes you can take it”) or are already anticipating punishment (“Don’t do this or that, otherwise I won’t give you any more”), then in the end you trouble awaits. Be honest and follow the rules of the game.

To earn the respect of teenagers, adults must keep their promises. Don't make promises unless you are sure you can keep them. If you still break your promises, even out of a feeling of love for your child, then perhaps he will stop trusting you and move away from you. As a result, everyone ends up losing.

Have you noticed that parents and teenagers have common activities and interests?
A teenager has his own circle of interests, and he often prefers the company of his peers. This is completely natural and does not at all mean that he is abandoning or rejecting his family. During this period, peers play an even greater role in his life than his parents. Father and mother must find mutual language with their children’s friends, they must understand that the teenager is already burdened by dependence on elders and is preparing to start new life, and therefore you need to stop controlling it all the time. Parents should be wise mentors, always ready to help. And if this is so, then both will be able to maintain warm relations and respect for each other.

Always remember that sometimes a teenager feels like a mature forty-year-old person, and at other times he feels like a five-year-old kid. That's how it should be. And when at times adults critically say to a teenager: “How old are you, look at yourself!”, they forget about the changes that are happening to him at this time. Teenagers are more willing to accept advice and guidance from adults if they feel loved, valued, and unconditionally accepted. They are in dire need of elders who would take care of them and help them plan their future lives.
Instead of surrounding teenagers with prohibitions and restrictions, it is better to try to create relationships that are based on trust, humor and selfless help. More than anything else, they need sensitive, attentive attention from adults. And if they have such a relationship with their parents, then they will be able to calmly survive thunderstorms and storms, which, of course, are inevitable in such an alarming period full of excitement and surprises.
Do the best you can if you have a teenager who listens to you and trusts you. But if the relationship does not work out, then your demands will not achieve anything, but will only erect an impenetrable wall of misunderstanding and alienation between you. Remember how unpleasant people can be who demand that you blindly follow their advice, instead of helping you figure out what really needs to be done in a particular case.

In addition, teenagers struggle for their autonomy and independence. They make many mistakes and often take the wrong path. And this is also quite natural. It is important that parents are prepared for sudden manifestations of strong, sometimes inappropriate reactions in a teenager (“This is just baby talk, not love!” or “Yes, yes, everyone goes through this. Spit on it and continue to live peacefully!”) .

I once heard a famous sculptor say that before starting work, he always waits to see what the stone itself will tell him, and only then begins to realize his creative ideas. Parents whose child has entered adolescence must follow this rule and must try to hear and understand their son or daughter.

Now I would like to show you how teenagers themselves relate to their problems. “The most important thing for me is to feel loved and appreciated, no matter how stupid and ridiculous I may look. I need someone who believes in me, because I myself am often unsure of myself. To be honest, sometimes I am terribly ashamed of myself. I feel like I'm not strong, bright, beautiful or charming enough compared to those around me. But it also happens differently, when it seems to me that I already know everything and can alone confront the whole world. I take everything very seriously.”
“I need someone who could calmly, without any criticism, listen to me and help me understand myself. When I fail, lose a friend, or simply lose in a game, it feels like my whole world is turning upside down. I need loving hands to calm me down. I need a place where I can cry and where no one laughs at me. But on the other hand, I need a person who will always be there. I also need someone who will say “Stop!” loud and clear. But people shouldn’t lecture me and remind me of my previous stupidities. I myself know about them and feel guilty.”
“Besides, I need you, Mom, and you, Dad, to be sincere with me in everything that concerns you and me. Only then can I trust you. I want you to know that I love you. And please don't be offended when I like others. They won't take me away from you. Please love me always."
When we love a person, we want him to look perfect in our eyes. But how often attempts to change something end in rude interference, which, of course, no one likes. Constructive ways of communicating will help you. You must learn to stop yourself when you start invading the “no-go zones” of other people's lives.
The teenage period will be considered successfully completed only if the teenager can, when necessary, show independence, feel community with other people, have a developed sense of self-esteem and have a good idea of ​​what the right thing to do in a particular case.
I believe that adolescence has ended successfully if a person enters the world of adults with a sense of self-worth, having the ability to establish close relationships with people, and the ability to be responsible for their actions. The end of adolescence is the beginning of adulthood. What has not yet been completed will be completed later. I want parents to be able to sensitively and wisely guide their teenage children and help them become full-fledged people capable of creating a world in which a person’s life will be joyful, rich and happy.

From the book "How to Build Yourself and Your Family"