How to find a common language with teenagers. The goal is how to find a common language with a teenager

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Quite often, parents face difficulties raising their child. This problem often occurs during the adolescence of the offspring. The son or daughter begins to ignore their parents, show character and try to prove that he/she has matured. In this case, you should not give up and leave the situation to chance.

Important aspects in raising a teenager

To avoid quarrels and misunderstandings, you need to learn to accept a teenager as a mature personality. Let's understand that you are his support. Raise in such a way that the child sees his father as the head of the family. This psychological move will allow you to be respected as parents in the future.
Don’t put pressure on your child, try to become friends with him. Gain trust by giving advice, not orders. Listen to the position and opinion, sometimes leave the teenager alone.
Respect your child's feelings and personal space. In the process of raising children, forget about long instructive lectures, they are useless. Try to engage in dialogue; with this action you will achieve much more.

How to get a teenager to do homework

Encourage your teenager to do his homework. Explain clearly that education will be useful to him. If your child already has a conscious dream, feed it. Let's understand that by doing it step by step, he will eventually achieve whatever he desires.
Don’t justify doing your homework by saying “that’s how it should be!” Such an argument will only alienate the teenager. During adolescence, children are extremely categorical. Therefore, find a delicate approach to the child.
Find out what problems he may have at school with teachers or peers. In this case, the teenager should see support in you. Don't wait for the problem to be solved on your own. This way things can only get worse.
Remember yourself at that age with similar difficulties, and how you needed the support of your parents.

Smoking cessation in teenagers

When going through adolescence, a child is often faced with choosing a company. His future fate depends on his actions. To prevent a teenager from developing addictions, parents should set a good example.
If you are driving healthy image life, teaching children to follow your example from childhood, in the future the teenager will avoid bad company.
At the slightest opportunity, send your child to any sports section. When communicating with peers who lead a healthy lifestyle, a teenager will not want to stoop to the level of people with addictions.
Communicate more with your child, do not give instructive lectures. By chance, you can give examples from life or show gentle photographs from the Internet about the consequences of bad habits.
Take advantage psychological method, outline the position that healthy people are more civilized, and those who neglect their health lead to a miserable existence.
Temper the teenager’s spirit; his strong psycho-emotional state will not allow him to destroy himself for the sake of primitive pleasures. From time to time, say motivational statements, for example, “A healthy body, a healthy mind,” etc.
On weekends, get active. This will allow you to start a new life if you previously had problems with bad habits. If possible, go out into the countryside, play ball, swim in ponds.
In winter, go sledding, skating, skiing or snowboarding, and make snowmen. Such actions will not only help improve relationships with the teenager, but will also strengthen the family as a whole.
Try not to forbid anything to your child, because in adolescence children act contrary to their parents. Explain in simple language what he can become if he uses harmful substances.

To avoid conflicts and misunderstandings with your child, it is worth assigning responsibilities in advance. Agree that the teenager should clean his room himself; there should be no talk of any “creative disorder”. Teach your child to be responsible and independent. This will come in handy in his adult life.
Interact rather than order your teenager when distributing responsibilities; try to do the cleaning together. This way you can clean your own territory. Ask your child to help you more often; this move will make the child feel needed. Remind them of the promises they made.
Communicate more when preparing food, let your offspring make contact with you. Don’t pretend to be harsh and strict parents; as a rule, it is in such families that children in adolescence go against their “ancestors.” Thus, by getting involved with bad companies, they gradually slide down and degrade.

How to raise a difficult teenager

Before you begin strict discipline, find out the root cause of disobedience. Take a closer look at your attitude towards your child. Perhaps he simply lacks attention and care from his parents.
There are quite a lot of reasons. First, try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your child. It is possible that bad behavior is caused by disagreements and frequent quarrels between parents. In this case, the offspring feels unnecessary. He is not given due attention, parents are less and less interested in the personal life of their child.
Start analyzing your relationship with your husband. Never blame the child when there are quarrels between parents. Try to sort things out in the absence of a teenager. Make peace, meet each other halfway, nothing should upset you. Convey to every loved one that a strong family will overcome all difficulties.
Gradually regain your teenager's trust. This procedure will take a lot of time, but the result will be positive. The child goes downhill mainly due to family troubles. Don't let this happen. Get together on a cozy evening, have a family dinner, look through photos, start a heart-to-heart conversation.
Give the father the opportunity to raise the child strictly but wisely. At the same time, be loving parents and don’t let your child doubt it. Show that everything is done only for the good.
Strictness should not be manifested in everything; resort to it only in extreme cases. For example, when doing homework or when cleaning the room. “You have completed your duties, you can spend your free time at your discretion.”

Give your child warmth and care without any conditions. The child must understand that it is unacceptable to upset loving parents. After all, it is his family that will never betray him and will support him in any situation.
Respect your teen's choices in whatever they do (within reason). Teach your child to solve problems as they arise with your family, because it’s hard to cope alone.
In turn, parents should not stand still, otherwise you will “fade out.” Develop, the child must understand that your married couple serves as a standard for him. This move will not only bring you closer to your teenager, but will also strengthen your relationship with your spouse. Try to make plans for the week ahead.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money, go out to the park to get some fresh air, go to the movies and theaters. Discuss plots and characters. Remember your youth and feel like teenagers. Rest assured, the family will heal new life, the depressing life will soon disappear. Don’t look for excuses that such actions are beyond your power, that you don’t have money or time.
If you really want, you can find time for absolutely everything; no one forces you to spend your last funds. Spend evenings with the whole family outside of your home. Try to avoid frequent teaching and orders against the child’s will.

How to achieve mutual understanding with your daughter

First of all, the mother should establish a relationship with her teenage daughter. The child is more drawn to the female sex, seeing support and support. Don't miss the moment when your daughter wants to consult with you. Become a friend to a teenager and share your secrets. This move will allow you to gain the child’s trust.
In some situations, the daughter trusts her father more. It happens that it is easier to discuss certain topics with him. In any case, parents must raise their child correctly. Also communicate a lot, find out as much as possible about personal life, teach the child to be independent. A mother must teach her daughter all the subtleties of household chores.
The father, in turn, is obliged to explain that you need to have character and be able to respond to offenders if something happens. Also, the teenager should see protection from his dad. In the future, he will become the standard man for his daughter. She will want to have the same strong and loving family who raised her.

The father must raise his son. In this way, an adult man will pass on his best qualities and life experience to the child. From childhood, the father needs to strengthen the character of his son so that the son can stand up for himself and protect the weak.
A trusting and close relationship should be formed between two men, like siblings. The child will always be confident that dad will take his side in any case. Do not try to be overly strict, communicate with your child and guide him.
The father is obliged to teach his son to do everything with his own hands, take care of chores around the house and eradicate laziness. A common cause is best suited for such purposes. For example, men can work together in a sports section, do repairs, assemble a car or motorcycle.
Teach your child responsibility from childhood, but never tell your son that it’s time to grow up. Such a mistake is the deepest delusion. The offspring should enjoy his childhood to the fullest; do not deprive him of this opportunity. Children already grow up quickly. When the child grows up, the realization comes that the wonderful and carefree years have passed too quickly.
As for the mother, she should show warmth, tenderness, love. My son needs this kind of attention. In the future, when choosing a companion, he will focus specifically on the girl’s similar behavior.

Try to talk more with your child, improve your relationship in any way. Find out what is the reason for dissatisfaction or bad mood. The main thing is not to leave the teenager unattended. Always fight for your child in any situation, don’t even think about giving up. Help with homework if the child cannot cope. Give advice to your daughter, raise your son to be a strong and strong-willed man.

Video: how to find a common language with a teenager

How to find mutual language with a teenage boy or girl? The folk wisdom “little children are little troubles” does not lose its relevance even today. And the problems between the younger generation and their parents are the same as decades ago. Difficulties in communication, loss of the trust that once existed.

It is wrong to attribute all family difficulties to the transitional age of your child. Yes, in adolescence, his desire for independence, permanent conflict with others is rather a given. This time will pass, and contact will be lost forever. All responsibility for resolving this situation falls on the shoulders of the parents. In most cases, one thing is required of them - to avoid making the most common mistakes in building a relationship with a child.

Building trusting relationships with a teenager

For most growing boys and girls, as they enter adolescence, dependence on parental care becomes minimal. They take care of themselves, do without supervision when doing homework, and can cook their own food. The number of points of intersection between children, mothers and fathers is steadily decreasing.

Praise– no matter how alienated a teenager might want to seem, he still cannot do without parental approval. Therefore, do not skimp on praise, even if the reason for it is insignificant.
Be fair– don’t let your emotions and irritation take over. Leave an edifying tone; do not constantly condemn the child for every offense.
Take every problem he has seriously. No matter how insignificant the situation that happened to a teenager may seem, remember that for him it can be perceived as a disaster. He should know that he can turn to you for help in any situation.
Be interested in your child– it is impossible to find a common language with a teenager if you know absolutely nothing about his personal life. Be interested in his interests and hobbies, so you will have topics for communication.
Be modern– keep up with the times. Master virtual methods of communication, watch modern films, listen to youth music. “Being on topic” is important, because this way it will be easier for you to maintain authority in the eyes of the child.

And finally, the main thing is that you simply must spend time with your daughter or son. It doesn’t matter in what conditions your communication takes place - while doing household chores, watching TV, while traveling by car. Direct verbal contact cannot be replaced by gifts or praise.

If the teenager’s distance from you has already occurred, you will not be able to find a common language “at once,” that is, abruptly. Do not try to arrange lengthy evening heart-to-heart conversations - the young man will only distance himself further from them. The best option is casual conversations in the same car on the way to work and school, communication while cleaning and cooking. At this moment, the teenager is relaxed and does not feel any obligation to share his secret. It will be easier to reach him.

To summarize, we can say that the described rules on how to find a common language with a teenage boy or girl imply one thing - you perceive the child as he is. You see him as a person, you recognize and accept the changes in his character, which means you are ready to make sacrifices on your part - over time they will definitely pay off.

Children who have grown up are not very eager to spend time with their parents. Finding your place in the world is what is important for a child now, and this world consists mainly of peers. Yes it's sad. But there are a few simple steps to getting closer.

Define your desires

First of all, you need to honestly admit to yourself what you really want. After all, the desire to be close often hides increased anxiety and one’s own problems. The teenager senses this and resists.

He will definitely be pushed away:

Control. Often the phrase “You are not interested in me” means “I lack information.” Used to be a child dumped everything on you, from quarrels with classmates to complaints about a sore knee. And now you can only hear the neutral “everything is fine.” You are annoyed, and so is he: because he does not yet understand that people worry not only about the small and helpless, but also about their loved ones.

Hidden reproaches. You shame him and try to make him feel guilty for hurting you. In response, you will receive an aggressive or dismissive reaction. This is protection and a signal that the child is still very dependent on you. And reproaches greatly traumatize him.

Notations. The teenager does not want to go to the opera, to an exhibition, or to see your friends (“Wonderful, intelligent family, their son graduated from MGIMO!”). The fact is that he reads in such invitations a desire to bring him closer to the image “ good boy(or girls)” that exists in your imagination. He gets angry or offended, thinking that you consider him bad and are trying to “fix” him.

Jealousy. Yes, at this stage of his life, friends are more important to him than family. Yes, one day he will grow up, understand everything and change. But you shouldn’t endlessly repeat this idea - they still won’t believe you. They will consider it another reproach and will be offended.

Get used to your new role

No matter how much you resist, you will have to reshape the idea of your child. Instead of a cheerful doll, see in front of you a fragile, vulnerable, anxious person who is trying very hard to become cool. This fragile creature, unable to keep up with its own growth, who experiences stress a hundred times a day, needs a slightly different parent than, for example, a third grader.

A teenager is interested in an adult who:

Considers him a priori good.
He lives his life, and with pleasure.
Knows how to keep a conversation going about important things. Without judging, without putting pressure on you with authority, but simply calmly expressing your opinion.

In fact, it is very important for any child to communicate with adults. Quite often he strives to find an older friend - a mentor. But usually he chooses someone else, not a parent, for this role. Various communication techniques will be practiced on you; From dad and especially from mom, the teenager will learn to seek love and support, not being able to say “I love.” Maybe this is not the attention you want to give him, but it is from the shared experience of this difficult period that the a good relationship with grown children. Saying goodbye to childhood, the child will overthrow you from the pedestal, and when he understands himself, he will see you through the eyes of a matured person, and then a new interesting period will begin in your life.

If there is no acute conflict, and the child does not need to avoid blows to self-esteem and avoid you, he, on the contrary, will be fueled by confidence from you
in yourself and, accordingly, be happy to devote time to you. Use this benefit wisely.

15% of teenagers admitted that they miss communication with mom and dad

1 Connect to his life where he allows it. For example, help organize school trips or theater productions. In schools with a strong partnership culture or in associations additional education such participation is welcomed and children take it for granted.

2 Support your child in projects that are important to him, even in a computer game championship. If this is a business that you understand, remain in the position of a fan, not a coach. Encourage, but don't judge.

3 Teach him what you do well yourself. Few people manage to pass on their skills to their children: it is difficult to step out of the role of a parent and speak like an ordinary professional. Is your child interested in your work or hobby? Great, give him a chance to participate. And if this business generates income, agree on cooperation with him and pay fairly for the work.

4 Leave conflicts at the door. Family dinners can be a nightmare when tense, dissatisfied people gather around the table, deciding who is most wrong. You should enjoy your meal! You can, for example, watch a movie or TV series that everyone likes - then there will be something to discuss. Yes, nutritionists do not welcome this, but it is much less harmful than irritated arguments.

5 Involve your teen in planning family trips. Let there be places he wants to go to - alone or with you (for example, a fan museum of his favorite team). And don’t drag him around to exhibitions and shops if he is not interested in painting and shopping.

6 Be his focus group. Whatever your child is interested in, be it video blogging, maintaining a community with memes or manicure, allow him to experiment on you. This will strengthen his trust in his parents many times more than intimate conversations.

7 If you're not interested in his hobby, don't pretend. Perhaps you simply do not understand the subject, then you should ask him to explain what exactly he does. Listen carefully, do not criticize or say that he is doing stupid things.

8 Express your desire to spend time with him, but don't feel like he has to be with you. Just invite and offer, but don't push.

In general, teenagers need their parents much more than they let on. If a child has no reason to be afraid of a categorical assessment and constant violation of his fragile personal boundaries, he will enjoy communicating with you.

Personal experience

Elena, 40 years old:

“My relationship with my daughter improved when I stopped siding with the school. Until the 7th grade, Marusya was an excellent student, but then her performance deteriorated, and her daughter, according to her class teacher, got involved with bad kids. At first I broke down, cursed, demanded to go back to school... and then I thought: how hard it is for my girl, because the whole adult world is against her. When the class teacher called me again, I asked my daughter to be present during the conversation, and calmly and firmly told the teacher that there was no need to frighten us with terrible prospects. And my child is not obliged to ensure good school performance in diagnostics and competitions if he does not want to. Marusya was then silent for a long time, and a few days later she suddenly burst out: she, it turns out, hated this school. I offered to transfer to another one, and we chose it together. I can’t say that my daughter spends all her time with me, but the tension has gone away from the relationship. She began to share her problems and tell her what was going on in her life. I don’t give her advice, but if she asks, I express my opinion.”

Anastasia, 39 years old:

"I'm waiting adolescence my son, but he still doesn’t come, although the boy is already 17. On the contrary, every year it’s easier and easier for me with him. He studies at a sports school and spends a lot of time at training camps. Maybe this is what plays a role? Or the fact that he is pulling a burden that not every adult can handle? Or maybe the fact is that we support him regardless of success or failure in sports? I don’t know, but in his free time, my son comes to us, communicates, and sincerely enjoys simple relaxation at the dacha and home-cooked food.”

Svetlana, 40 years old:

“My mother always told me that her tears would come to me when my daughter grew up. My daughter is 18 now, but I haven’t cried because of her yet. She is an ecologist, a first-year student, and has been constantly on expeditions throughout the country for more than five years. Many people told me that I wouldn’t take care of the child, that the camp life would turn her into something crazy and even go down the drain, but I didn’t see any danger in the eco-club and the people around her. After each trip, she talked for weeks about what was happening there. She also invited me to events that the club held in our city, many other children also invited their parents. We helped the guys in their work and became friends. It seems to me that if a teenager is among normal children and adults, he is in contact with his parents.”

Lyudmila, 42 years old:

“Both our sons went through adolescence. The eldest had a lot of conflicts with his father, but the younger one was the opposite: he and his father were both passionate about vintage cars. So they always go to all events together and enjoy working in the garage. At 16, the guy can do something that many grown men cannot do.
But I think we were just lucky - our interests coincided.”

Photo: ShutterStock/Fotodom.ru/pexels.com

A teenager can snap and be rude, leave and come whenever he pleases, fall into bad company, be stubborn and cruel. One may behave hysterically and demonstratively, while another, on the contrary, may immerse himself in the virtual world, avoiding communication, start smoking or even using drugs. Attempts to talk, put pressure, punish are met with hostility and only increase tension in the family. What happens to a teenager? How to find a common language with him now and maintain a trusting relationship in the future?

“Don’t meddle in my life!”, “None of your business!”, “What do you understand?” – what parents of teenagers don’t hear! Just yesterday, a problem-free child suddenly becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. Parents' words cause sharp resistance or are completely ignored.

Adults unsuccessfully try to explain to the teenager that he needs to study, it’s time to think about the future, decide on a profession, but he doesn’t seem to hear. Many parents make excuses for him, saying that it’s a difficult period, a transitional age - everything will pass, and he will come to his senses. However, the difficult period passes, and the relationship with the already matured child still does not improve.

What happens to a teenager? How to find a common language with him now and maintain a trusting relationship in the future?

Conditions for development

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand these difficult issues. She explains that every person from birth is endowed with sets of mental properties - vectors. The combination of vectors determines how a person perceives the world, what he wants, what he strives for.

Before the onset of adolescence, while the child is developing, he is not yet capable of independent survival. Therefore, the most important thing for him is the feeling of security and safety that his parents (primarily his mother) provide him. If a child feels this, his innate mental properties receive a favorable environment for development, which occurs before the end of puberty. During this period, mental properties develop (or do not develop) from the level of primitive man to what is necessary in modern society. The degree of development of properties determines how a person’s relationships with people will develop, whether he will be able to succeed in a couple relationship, how resistant he will be to stress, whether he will be able to realize himself in society, and much more.

When a child feels that his parents understand and support him, that his opinion is taken into account, when a calm and trusting atmosphere reigns in the family, then the little person grows and develops calmly. If the family constantly swears, shouts at the child, or even raises his hand, then he does not feel protected, and this negatively affects his development.

Even worse consequences can occur when parents do not understand how the child’s psyche works, demand the impossible from him and do not allow him to develop what is inherent in nature. For example, if you overly pamper and praise a nimble child with a skin vector, who, on the contrary, needs to be taught discipline, then in the future he will not be able to organize himself or others. If you constantly rush and tug at a slow and diligent child with an anal vector, then he will never learn to do his job perfectly, although he could potentially become a real professional.

Transitional age. Gender characteristics

For any teenager, adolescence is a difficult period. System-vector psychology explains that at this time the child begins to try to take responsibility for his life. He tries to provide himself with the feeling of security and safety that his parents previously provided him with.

This process occurs differently for girls and boys. A woman receives a feeling of security from a man, so girls begin to “get married,” that is, they try their hand at creating paired relationships. This is an unconscious process, because one of the main natural tasks of a woman is to preserve herself and her offspring, and she does this through a man.

Some girls can often change their chosen ones and be more provocative in their sexual behavior (paint brightly, wear more revealing clothes). Others are more reserved and conservative; they can settle on one candidate and subsequently start a family with him. Each girl has her own mental characteristics, her own pitfalls of growing up, which parents should know in order to insure and support their daughter where necessary.

Due to inexperience, girls can make the wrong choice, shocking their parents. In order not to cause harm, it is important for the parent to understand what is happening and behave competently. It is important for a girl to feel that she can be liked by members of the opposite sex, that she can be chosen by a boy, as long as it doesn’t matter which one. This is the second stage - to understand who you need. And if at this first stage her parents intervene sharply, seeing an absolutely unsuitable young man next to her, and impose their authoritative opinion, then the girl reacts with protest, even more defending her choice, because in this case her parents are preventing her from succeeding as a woman.

To avoid conflicts, you should not enter into open confrontation. Show that you respect your daughter's choice. So that she herself can think about whether this is the person she needs. Chat together in a supportive and friendly atmosphere, ask young man a few questions about his interests and plans for the future. This may be enough - your girl will be able to assess the situation herself. Support her, don’t push her to oppose you. The less security she feels in the family, the more furiously she will seek this security outside. And the more difficult it will be for her to break off a wrong relationship, even if she feels that she is going in the wrong place and with the wrong person.

Boys have their own difficulties during adolescence. They have to take on the adult male role of providing themselves with a sense of security and safety through their contribution to society. Already from the age of 6, participating in the choice of his environment at school, the boy takes his first steps towards adulthood. During puberty, a young man actively tests his abilities to adapt to society, and the “first blow” is taken by the parents. You can observe how some boys suddenly begin to criticize their parents, while others begin to violate the boundaries of what is permitted by their parents.

Teenagers are looking for their place in society, using the level of development of mental properties that they have developed at that moment. It is during this period that the fruits of education become visible. The higher the level of development of vectors in a teenager, the easier it is for him to pass through this stage. He unconsciously feels what his purpose is, and when he feels that he has something to offer to society, he confidently moves forward into adulthood.

Obstacles on the way to growing up

If a teenager did not receive the necessary development and grew up in psychologically unfavorable conditions for him, then adolescence becomes an even more difficult test for him. The lack of necessary skills for successful socialization plus the resulting psychological trauma does not allow him to fully take responsibility for his life. He feels bad, he doesn’t understand where to go. Misunderstanding and pressure from his parents take away his last hope for adaptation and further undermine his already unstable state.

So, in case of trouble...

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Our expert - psychologist, candidate of medical sciences Irina Petrova.

Is this prickly and stubborn, always snapping, intractable and irritable to the point of explosive guy really the same clear-eyed, smiling kid who just recently joyfully ran towards you when you came to pick him up from after-school care? Was it really him who, just recently, was telling you his childhood secrets in a trusting whisper and didn’t fall asleep until you kissed and hugged him?.. Yes, it’s him!

Familiar strangers

Adolescence can only be compared to a natural disaster. Such a storm occurs at this time in the body. A completely different person looks at the teenager from the mirror: the wrong face, body, smell. Growing up isn't easy. Not all children look attractive in adolescence: many develop acne, skin and hair become too oily, and the skeleton grows unevenly. Girls at this time sometimes gain excess weight. Then these “ugly ducklings” will, of course, level up and become beautiful swans, but for now - a disaster! And it would be nice if it was only a matter of physiology. The most a big problem, which hormones carry, is psychological instability. A child in adolescence faces the collapse of the familiar world. Immutable authorities are crumbling - not only teachers, but also parents seem stupid and old-fashioned. Their advice seems meaningless, attention and care - intrusive, demands - groundless.

Knock - they will open for you

What should moms and dads do? Reprimand, scold, teach life? Or try with all your might to break through the blank wall of alienation and hostility? Or maybe we should leave the teenager alone and not notice his “tricks” until he “goes crazy”?

Of course, you shouldn’t scold - parental “attacks” will initially upset the child, and later he will simply turn a deaf ear to them. Yes, and you shouldn’t distance yourself. After all, despite the terrible behavior, a teenager simply needs parental support at this difficult time. Another thing is that it must be very delicate. You should not unceremoniously invade the personal space of an adult child (and his room, by the way, too). And there is no need to impose your communication and help on him, to interfere with questions and advice when they are not asked. Also try to reduce control, to reasonable limits, of course. Explain to your child that you are very worried when you don’t know where he is and with whom, so let him let you know where he is and when he will return. But calling him every 15 minutes is a no-no.

Teenagers often reject their parents and subvert their authority. And that's okay. This is the only way the formation of personality occurs. But this does not mean that they do not need loved ones. Vice versa. During this difficult period, they, almost like babies, need complete acceptance and unconditional parental love. Therefore, under no circumstances should you ignore the child, not be interested in what is important to him, or devalue his interests. The only thing worse is to criticize and compare your (bad) child with the neighbor’s (good) boy.

Honesty comes first

Be sincere and friendly. If you do not share your child’s hobbies (punk music, for example), there is no need to scold what is dear to your child. It’s better to just ask him to tell you what exactly attracted him to this subculture. And then invite him to listen to what you like.

Another mistake parents of teenagers make is trying to pass themselves off as “one of their own.” That is, suddenly, out of the blue, start using youth slang in your speech, putting on teenage clothes, or going to a rock concert with your child and his group (when this music annoys you). After all, you won’t be able to pretend for long - and the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” will definitely figure out that the child will end up disappointed in the parent.

But it is still necessary to become a little more “advanced”, otherwise it will really be difficult for the child to find a common language with the “old people”. Therefore, it is important to be able to use a tablet and create pages on social networks where the child is. Virtual communication is more common for modern children - this will make it easier to find contact.

Equally

The main conflict between fathers and children is that children demand respect for themselves, confirmation of their rightness and “maturity,” while “fathers” are sure that they have not yet matured to such an attitude. But respect does not depend on age. Therefore, end with an authoritarian communication style. Do not demand obedience, but explain why you need to behave this way and not otherwise. And show your child as often as possible that his opinion is important to you. Consult with him on everyday issues, discuss philosophical and everyday things, talk about relationships between people. But, while showing respect for the child’s opinion and giving him the right to make independent decisions, demand adult responsibility from him. For your words and actions. Adult life is like that, let him get used to it.

Little kids are little troubles

Of course, democracy is wonderful. But playing with it is dangerous. After all, parents are not only best friends to their child, but also to the adults who must raise him and be responsible for him. There are situations in which you need to be tough. If a child goes beyond the bounds: for example, comes home drunk or doesn’t spend the night at home at all, is rude, or does something else reprehensible, this should under no circumstances be tolerated, but must be firmly nipped in the bud.

By the way

It is impossible to do without reproaches and edifications. But when expressing your dissatisfaction, try to avoid mocking intonations, accusatory and offensive constructions. Instead of directive phrases: “So that you don’t dare to skip anymore!” or “Just try to be rude to me again, you insolent!” say: “I’m afraid that with such academic performance you will not be able to enter the university you dream of” and “How you upset me with your rudeness!”

First reader

Writer Albina Nuri

The main thing in a relationship with a teenage child is to respect him. Balance is important: you need to constantly be present in the lives of children so that they know that you are always there, but at the same time avoid total control. I have three “don’ts”: don’t prohibit without explanation;
do not violate personal space; do not brush aside the problems and judgments of your sons.