I cheated on my boyfriend and I don't know if I should tell him about it. Why does my husband think that I'm cheating on him? The guy constantly says that I'm cheating on him.

Sveta, age: 27 / 04/07/2015

Irina, age: 27 / 04/07/2015

Congratulations on such a wonderful event! Hold on dear, you haven’t cheated and that’s the main thing. And your husband has only two options: either accept you or reject you, leave this choice on his conscience. Everything will be fine, take care of the baby, walk outside more, relax, come to church to pray. God bless you and the Mother of God.

Alexander, age: — / 04/07/2015

Perhaps something is wrong with your husband. Did he catch you with someone or is there some reason? Most likely, he simply doesn’t want a relationship with you and is inventing a reason to break up. In this case, no matter how much you make excuses to him and show your “loyalty, love, decency,” he will still break up with you. You will have a child. You need to collect your their will and rely only on God, themselves (well, and on their relatives, if they are ready to help you). First of all, try to calm down. Go to the hospital for safekeeping, if you feel unwell, go to church more often, confess. Be sure to order yourself never-ending psalm. Remember that a child is a gift from God to you. It is a test and difficulty to be alone with a child in this situation, but it is completely surmountable and a lot of women raise children alone (including me, who raised 2 and gave me a higher education) Take care of yourself and the child. Good luck and courage to you

Olga, age: 46 / 04/08/2015

It seems very strange to me that my husband trusted and trusted, and then suddenly stopped. It doesn't happen that way. Most likely, he had some reason for a long time why he wanted to break up with you. It may very well be that he himself has another woman on his side. The fact that he is counting the months until maternity leave speaks in favor of this assumption, because men very rarely strive to leave the nest on their own initiative; most likely, there is somewhere else to fly, and someone strongly insists.

Or he himself is such a complete egoist that he is not interested in anything other than himself. But both options are not suitable for saving the family.

You know, you can’t make an infallible idol out of anyone, not your husband, not your child, not your parents. Because they can all betray you and leave you, make a mistake. Only God does not betray. Don’t make a saint out of your husband, don’t idealize the past years and it will be easier to get over what happened.

Margarita, age: 30 / 04/08/2015

The fact is that a pervert from work pestered me. My husband thought that I myself didn’t mind, but this is far from the case, and I have facts confirming this, he pestered not only me, even when he was communicating with my husband, he always looked at me, touched me by the hands, and sometimes even climbed in to hug me while my husband doesn’t see. This same pervert also spread rumors about me that I sleep with almost everyone at work. It’s very unpleasant, especially since I’m very faithful, my husband is my first man, I never even look at anyone because I love husband, and here it is, he was still drunk and stoned when he pestered me, because of this my whole life went awry.

Sveta, age: 27 / 04/08/2015

You know, I have a girl I know who decided to leave her family (she fell in love with another guy), but she didn’t want to just turn around and leave, because she was afraid of her relatives’ condemnation, and she wanted to make herself look like a victim. Therefore, she began to provoke her husband, come home late, saying that she was out with friends, yell at the child because of reasons she had invented, and much, much more, creating a depressing atmosphere in the family, the last straw was her coming home drunk in the morning , the husband could not stand it and hit her. The result met her expectations. She told everyone that her husband was a scoundrel, he was beating her, and she was filing for divorce. What a story! Maybe your husband is just protecting his “I”, and you have nothing to do with it!

Daria, age: 27 / 04/08/2015

Sveta, don't make excuses. It's not your fault, you know that. If your husband loves you, he will understand and forget the gossip, and most importantly, he will believe that you could not deceive him. Find the strength to let him go if he no longer wants to be with you. Now the main thing is the child. Live for him and for him.

Irina, age: 27 / 04/08/2015

Svetlana, it’s a pity that your husband doesn’t trust you. As they wrote above, maybe he’s already had someone on his side for a long time and is trying to shift the blame onto you. Give birth to a child, if your husband refuses the baby, you can force him through the court to do DNA (the dad will be forced to test to pay). And then look at the circumstances - whether you should continue to live with such a person or not. He is already a traitor only because he does not believe you and strangers.

P.S. When you give birth, your world will shine with different colors - it’s such a joy to be a mother! You’ll have a baby, it’s such a joy!

How to prove to your husband that you did not cheat on him?

Making excuses to jealous people is the last thing

This letter came to us from reader Marina from Kalach: “My husband thinks I cheated on him. But that's not true. And I can't explain that I didn't do it. We often argue about this, even sleep separately. I can't live like this anymore. I love him very much and could never cheat on him with another man. I beg you, publish my letter in the newspaper. Maybe, having seen him in “MYOSHKA”, my husband will finally believe me.”

There is one drawback that can ruin your whole life - attacks of jealousy. Checking pockets and phone calls, timing a trip to work, interrogating friends, completely absurd claims and, as a result, a nightstand between the beds. Suspecting a spouse of infidelity without any evidence is one of the most favorite pastimes of a jealous person. How to calm the sick imagination of a husband who imagines himself a cuckold, and not go crazy?

Do not give any explanations that humiliate you. The more you prove your innocence, the more your jealous husband will think that you are really cheating on him. The logic is simple: if he justifies himself so zealously, it means the stigma is in the cannon. Moreover, it is basically impossible to prove anything to a pathological jealous person. And even if you wear a chastity belt, he will decide that you are using a master key.

Making excuses to a jealous person is the last thing

Sometimes during scenes of jealousy it is useful to switch the conversation to another topic. If the husband does not calm down, it is better to leave the room. But do not demonstratively slam the door, but gently inform your spouse that you will definitely talk to him later, when he calms down a little and realizes that you don’t need anyone except him.

The best means of defense is attack. If last night your beloved stayed with friends, instead of proving his loyalty, ask where the hell he was until 12 at night.

If you feel that your partner is pathologically jealous, try from time to time, without focusing attention, to report where you have been and where you are going. This way he will be calmer, and you will be able to avoid another family scandal.

Never praise other men (show business stars, work colleagues, former classmates, friends), even if they deserve it. Almost every representative of the stronger sex is firmly convinced that he is the most beautiful, strong and intelligent. And jealous people, in addition to personal insult, may see in your exclamations of admiration hints of a desire for other partners.

The threat of divorce very well sobers up most jealous people. You can calmly say: “Sorry, you constantly haunt me with your jealousy. If you don’t trust me, then we have no reason to be together,” pack your things and move in with your parents or girlfriend. In most cases, after 1 - 2 days, the jealous men come to their senses and, almost on their knees, persuade the ladies of their hearts to return.

Please note that all of the above applies only to those who dote on their overly suspicious boyfriend and never want to part with him. For the rest of us, we advise you to immediately say goodbye to such types, before they completely ruin your life, and at the same time their own.

Reader Marina really loves her husband and worries about him emotional condition, since I decided to turn to the newspaper for help, to strangers, - speaks psychologist Anton NOVIKOV.- When people take such bold steps just to prove their loyalty and love, you can trust them. If relationships in her family do not improve after this publication, I advise you to contact a psychologist-consultant on family issues. Both must attend the appointment. By the way, it may also happen that after a woman suggests that a jealous man visit a specialist, he will get scared and family life will improve.

A jealous husband is a favorite character in many jokes. But if the jealous person is yours close person, then it’s no longer a laughing matter,” he says journalist Roman PRYTKOV.“And what’s most unpleasant is that such a person can hardly be re-educated.” He constantly needs conflicts to throw out his emotions or arouse pity for himself. Do not give in to provocations and do not get into a quarrel with your husband. React calmly to attacks of jealousy. You can try to do this: 1 day a month you gently convince him that you love only him and, besides him, you don’t need anyone, and the remaining 29 days you simply do not react to his groundless accusations. I am sure that after this family quarrels will sharply decrease.

I've been dating a guy for a year. Then he suddenly thought that I had a lover. And now as soon as I leave him somewhere (with my family, or to the store for clothes, with a friend), he immediately thinks that I was with a guy. And he tells me - prove that this is not so, not with words but with actions. I understand that I don’t have to prove anything, but essentially I don’t want to break up because of anything either. I want to prove that I’m right, girls, tell me how to do this?

get him out with the same thing. Knocks out the wedge with the wedge

Jealousy is a kind of disease and it’s hard to get rid of. If you want to be with a guy, behave as carefully as possible, dress modestly, spend more time with him and not with your friends. Let him accompany you to your parents' house. Look at your social circle, maybe one of your mutual friends is whispering to him about your “others” so that you break up. Or maybe he himself is looking for an excuse to break up?

no way. Will you spend your whole life proving it? this is humiliating! let it go in all 4 directions. whatever is yours will float to you.

I wonder, how can you prove this with actions?

Let him buy dichlorvos for himself. Everything is written in the instructions.

somehow primitive. well let him go with you everywhere

Yes, the thing is that he is not always with me, he has training, and since I am alone somewhere, he thinks that I am definitely with a man, although I am sitting at home

Why did he suddenly decide that you have someone? Something brought him to this idea? This is where you need to dance...

I don’t know whether he’s underestimating himself, or whether he’s crazy. At first he told me as a joke, I thought it was nothing serious, and then he started talking nonsense.

I didn’t give him any reason to do this.

This is just the beginning! Soon it will start to fuck around!

If you really didn’t give a reason, then you came across a person with Othello syndrome. It’s strange that the complaints started a year later. Usually after two or three months in pathologically jealous people it comes out and blooms wildly.

My advice would be this: break up! It will be even worse. It might even lead to assault. Tested by thousands of women who had relationships with jealous people. Although, of course, you can try not to give him a reason to be jealous. But you are ready to ask for permission to go to the store for sanitary pads all your life and see your parents only in his presence (he won’t let you go to your parents alone, what if there is a lover there). Of course, you may not listen to him in the situations I have described and similar ones, but then be prepared for the constant rape of your brain.

Ask him. Most likely, he will avoid answering because he himself does not know what will convince him. With jealous people, you should never stoop to proving your fidelity and go into any explanations. There, claims and suspicions will grow like a snowball in this case and they still won’t believe you. Yes, he doesn’t need them :)

Tell him that in this situation the whole question is trust: either you trust me and everything is fine with us and we close this issue, or you don’t trust me - and we decide whether we need such a relationship at all.

oh... how good it is that I broke up with this guy 4 years ago. how many nerves my young ones spent (I met him from 16 to 19) - it’s terrible.

I’m in the same situation myself, I don’t know what will help, and in general I think that you just need to not argue or prove, he’ll go crazy on his own!

My friend told my boyfriend that I kind of kissed my ex, but it’s not true. So my boyfriend doesn’t fucking believe me, what should I do, help me. How to prove. And I deleted my ex’s number and all that.

My husband thinks I'm cheating on him.

I can't sleep unless I read bashorg. But I don’t sit at the computer before bed, so I read in bed on my phone, turn away from my husband so as not to disturb him, and crawl under the covers with my head so as not to click buttons loudly. Sometimes I go to woman, I write a message here if I can’t resist) This went on for quite a long time, exactly six months. Yesterday morning I accidentally left with my underpants inside out, when I came home and changed my clothes, my husband noticed and started a scandal. He said that I go to the left, that I communicate with my lover at night, otherwise why shouldn’t I read everything that I supposedly read on my phone, on my computer? And in general, I don’t believe that he demands that I confess, otherwise he will prove everything anyway and divorce is inevitable. I told him all the passwords for my mailboxes and contacts and gave him MY phone for the whole day (no one calls me anyway), so that he would believe that I don’t correspond with anyone and no one calls me. But I think he still won't believe it. What should I do?

you're having fun

My husband also had this quirk. I decided that I had a lover. I threw a scandal, said that this was not true and that my word was enough! If you don’t believe me, I said, make a printout of ALL my SMS and telephone conversations, BUT when you come to me to ask for forgiveness, having become convinced that my words are right, I will no longer forgive and will go to get a divorce myself.

Anka from Kiev, I don’t mind the passwords, there’s nothing interesting there anyway. If at least I corresponded with my friend even on stupid topics, then I wouldn’t let her, but let him see what he wants. But when he comes home from work in the evening, I’ll be offended!

The more you justify yourself, the less faith you have (((If you are not guilty and there is no need for them to explain themselves to you. In my opinion, he himself is looking for a reason to leave you.

Author, explain to your husband in a popular manner that mistrust will not improve your relationship. If he is not looking for a reason for divorce, he will understand a normal and persuasive explanation. There is no need to prove to him that you are not a camel!

this is what men sitting on a women's forum leads to)) I would give all the printouts and passwords in exchange for his.

and I don’t even have anything to give away: I have all the passwords “remembered”, come and look if you’re interested (this is about my husband) and I don’t consider it disrespectful to myself, the computer is not my inner world

Now I’ll have to take a lover, since my husband demands it.

My story goes something like this. My husband baselessly accused me of easy behavior every time.

She endured it, then she got tired of everything and cheated on him. Conscience doesn't bother me one bit. It became even calmer. So often men push us to do this kind of thing

and you click buttons under his ear, why be shy? Then he himself will drive him away so that he doesn’t disturb his sleep. Although, if mine had come with his underpants inside out, it wouldn’t have amused me either. maybe she would have started a scandal if it had been a bad day)))

You have to watch how you put on your panties. there will be fewer problems.

I would think so too, why are you acting so strange?

psychologist Litvak believes that a jealous person is one who is a womanizer at heart, but does not allow himself to go out. And he is offended that others are “walking”, but he is not.

My husband pestered me yesterday, saying that I was dating other men in his absence. I said that this couldn’t happen and that I didn’t need it. And he insists: I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you. I say again that I'm not really dating anyone. But he still doesn't believe

ahahahahaha panties inside out! :)))))))

Senya has such a situation when we are going to bed and our little 2 year old son says - where is Azamat? but there was no azamat. and my husband was not at home that day, and he thinks that I brought some kind of guy home, I don’t even know what to say

I have the same situation, my son is also 2 years old and he walks around all the time, points at some thing and says “this is his uncle’s”, or remembers men’s names. And my husband stops talking to me, and then says that they are coming to see me guys. When I put on my makeup, he says that I’m going somewhere. I’m a hairdresser, I come from a client, and he says, “Why did it take you so long? Did you see your lover?” I stopped communicating with my friends because he says that I I communicate with my lover. I stopped going to the gym because there are men there and he is jealous. I spend all my time at home or walk on the street with my child. And he tells me, maybe you left your son with your grandmother and went somewhere yourself. We live with my mother, my husband says that she is helping me cheat. He says that I have a spare phone on which I communicate with my lover. It works at night and I stay with my mother and son, my son sleeps with us on the couch and when my husband leaves for work, I move to his place, I hear when he comes and move back to mine. And he says, “my place is warm, that means someone slept here.” And he doesn’t believe that it’s me. I already I can’t listen to this anymore, I haven’t done anything, but I listen to him saying that I’m cheating and constantly lying. I tell him to leave since I’m what you think. And he says, but I’m not sure about that. This paranoia has been going on for a year now. and every day it gets worse. I already have the feeling that he’s really sick.

My husband began to suspect me of cheating, or rather, that I told him that he could not satisfy me in bed (an orgasm is not important to me; the process is important to me), although I actually had enough as the mother of two children from him and, sex on weekends is enough for me. How can I explain this to my husband?!

I became pregnant at 3 weeks and my husband always says that this is not his child and I cheated on him, although he was the only one in bed with me (I’m 20 and I haven’t had anyone in intimacy except my husband) I’m always offended by his words and he comes to tears and we quarrel, he doesn’t believe my words, girls, what should I do?

Damn, it's both funny and scary. I read it as if it were my own! 1in 1.

The guy thinks I cheated on him

Biryukova Anastasia Evgenievna

Replies on the site: 3035 Conducts trainings: 1 Publications: 63

It is impossible to prove to someone who does not believe and does not want to believe, and in no case should you try to do this.

Anastasia, look at the situation soberly:

Your boyfriend raised his hand to you and, as you claim, injured you. For some reason you returned to him, apparently hoping that everything would change now. Naive expectation - he hit, you have already forgiven and this, as it were, gave him carte blanche for new violence. By accusing you of treason and demanding proof of innocence, he thus simultaneously carries out psychological abuse and justifies himself - “if you don’t prove the unprovable, then it’s your own fault, that means you’re bad, and that means you can be beaten or humiliated.”

Actually that's all.

Decide for yourself why you need such a relationship. Read my article about sick relationships, “The Madness of Love,” and think very carefully about what the future might hold for you with such a person.

Biryukova Anastasia, Gestalt therapy in St. Petersburg and Skype around the world

Kritskaya Elizaveta Alexandrovna

You can ask a question to other psychologists

Why do you even need to prove anything to a person who raised his hand against you and is now also manipulating you?

Understand that if a person has done something once, and even more so if he has done it more than once, and you have forgiven him, rest assured that if he has not seriously drawn conclusions for himself, he will repeat his action in the future, no matter how much he doesn’t like you now assured otherwise. Don't see each other for chatter. Show with your clear decision that such behavior is not acceptable for you and you will not tolerate such attitude towards yourself. If he has serious feelings for you, which I very much doubt, then let him pursue you again, court you, prove to you that he has changed and drawn conclusions from this lesson. In the end, you are a woman, and you are worthy of respect, you are valuable only because you are a woman. Don’t let anyone treat you this way, be proud in the good sense of the word, so that the man will follow you, and not you stoop to his level. Value yourself.

My husband is sure that I am cheating on him

Hello! My husband is sure that I am cheating on him. Our story is quite complicated and now I simply don’t see a way out of it. my husband was jealous of his to the best friend and our child’s godfather. This friend came to us in his absence, we drank tea with him, talked, but I never had any thoughts of cheating on my husband.

But my husband thinks differently and it’s very difficult to convince him. When I suggested that we all meet together and sort it out, he said that we had already agreed. All this has been going on for a year. Some time ago, my nerves couldn’t stand it and I confessed to my husband what I wasn’t I did. Now I suggest to my husband that I take a polygraph test, but he says that this is all nonsense, I suggest that he turn to psychologists together, but for him this is also nonsense.

I don’t know what to do, how to prove to my husband that I’m not to blame for anything. I love him, and I don’t see a way out anymore. It seems to me that I’m in a labyrinth from which there is no way out. I’m tired, my nerves are giving in.. help

How to find goals in life

Undeservedly accused

2 responses to “My husband is sure that I’m cheating on him”

Jealousy in relationships is constantly observed, because everyone is afraid of losing a loved one. You need to show your husband that you love him, give affection more often and your good mood, and also don’t forget more words about love - all these actions will lead to the fact that your husband will believe that you love him, which means you don’t need others. Additionally, you need to stop communicating with your husband’s friend altogether - why would you spoil your relationship with your husband, I think your husband is more valuable to you. Tell your husband that for you there is no one but him, after all, he is the only one and that is why you married him, and not Petya and Vasya. tell me that you were wrong when you communicated with other men (I understand for you it’s just communication, but for your husband it’s a disaster), you thought about it and decided not to upset your husband anymore, because your whole life is for him. After such sincere words, your husband will think...think...and will not create conflicts, well, unless you give a reason. Remember when sorting out relationships, never raise your voice, speak softly and tenderly - a good technique to reduce the anger of your interlocutor. Good luck.

My husband found out that I cheated on him

My life story about my betrayal of my husband is quite typical and for many readers it will seem like a very vile act. It’s up to you to judge me or not, but I just want to speak out, confess, so to speak. Of course, I want understanding, but I don’t really count on it.

My husband and I have been living together for eleven years, and our son is six. Yesterday, my husband accidentally found out from my correspondence on social networks that I was cheating on him, and saw my candid photos. We don't have much in our personal lives. a good relationship. Often, if a husband is not happy with something, he does not swear, but simply remains silent. His silence infuriates me. Is it really difficult to just talk and solve the problem that has arisen?

He rarely pays attention to me, he also earns little. Every evening after work he lies down on the sofa and watches TV; we don’t go anywhere to have fun. If we are invited to visit, he never comes with us. When I go to the store, I also do it without him, because he says that he is tired, and I carry heavy bags myself. Do, ispovedi.com something about the house, you can’t interrogate him. It’s easier to do it yourself, but I want it to be a real family, not just an appearance. I'm tired of his indifference.

In bed, too, everything is mediocre. And so I got tired of all this, and out of resentment towards him, I met two men. We don’t have any love, just sex, but I feel like a woman with them. Compliments, flowers, attention, which I really miss from my husband. And my husband read our correspondence, packed his things and left. He said that he would file for divorce and that my son and I would look for another place to live.

I do not know what to do. I think what I did was mean and I can imagine how he feels now. I feel bad without him and ashamed of my behavior, I love him very much, but I’m afraid that he will never forgive me. But you can’t change anything, what should I do next? How to get it back! I don't want to be alone, I don't want to sleep in a cold bed for the rest of my days. After all, creating a family with lovers is unlikely to happen.

Anonymous comments (37) to the confession “My husband found out that I cheated on him”:

What to do, you ask? No way, no matter what you say, you won’t Small child, which due to the absence life experience, could not imagine that his actions would lead to such a tragedy. You are an adult, and you perfectly understood what you were going into and what it could result in not only for you, but also for your entire family. Now you are a single mother, a child without a father, and your husband..., now ex, is a cuckold.

Everything is really simple, what happened was not some kind of mistake, it was your completely conscious actions. Now it's simply time to reap what you sow and your ex-husband He also reaped what he once sowed. It’s only a pity for your child, children, as always, do not participate, but they get the most due to the lack of basic responsibility among parents who are outwardly adults, but behave like children, obeying only emotions

Well, quietly, quietly... Damn cuckold... Elementary responsibility, right? Oooh, if the author of the law and her husband are really absent from her life (because this cannot be explained otherwise), then what do you suggest the woman should do? She carries bags herself, cooks herself, family life, as I understand it, he doesn’t take part at all.

In fact, if she has a living husband, she lives as if alone without a husband or boyfriend, for example. In my opinion, this is wrong.

Again, let's take into account the fact that women are oh-so emotional and for them attention is like air. (forgive this comparison, but this is often true).

As Svetlakov said in the film “Yolki” - “GIRLS NEED FOR US TO BE NEARBY, IF YOU ARE NOT AROUND, SOMEONE ELSE WILL BE NEARBY...”

Alas, this is how it is.

By the way, this is what a family is built on - on attention and respect for each other. And if this is not the case... well, forgive me... Either the man or the woman will go to the left. But if a man does it, for some reason we don’t scold him so much. Not fair!

Let's go back to the first lines again. The man is absent from the life of the family. Accordingly, he lives on his own, with his own life... Again, what should a woman do? Forced to participate in joint events, so to speak? And what is the conclusion then?

And I can only advise you, the author, one thing. Fuck this guy. If sincere heart-to-heart conversations, before betrayal, did not lead to any result, then to hell with it! These things won't just get better. They are looking for an easy life... Either they didn’t live long enough, or they were raised in an easy family, or something else...

I encountered this myself and well, all this “happiness” is in full force)))

Hello, where in my words am I swearing at the author? Read more carefully, there is not even a hint of her condemnation. The husband is an asshole, it’s obvious that what he sows comes around, but there is also nothing to justify the action of the author of the story, she wanted to keep a convenient match and fornicate on the side. If my husband is such a piece of shit, I would divorce him and arrange my personal life, and there’s no need to tell me how hard it is, no harder than what the author has now

It’s strange, everything is mediocre, only smoke, no flame... but what the hell, such a marriage. Dullness, if you need emotions, then it’s better to stay alone than to slog through the rest of your life. I understand the fear of loneliness, but then all the time regretting what you did... brrrrrr. This should have been done earlier, and not vegetate for so many years in this dullness.

Question for a psychologist:

Good day! I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. A problem arose in our relationship quite a long time ago, more than 6-8 months ago. The fact is that my young man traveled to earn money for a period of 2-3 months, upon arrival he was at home for a month or two. And I work myself, I don’t have time for partying and so on. And it's not interesting. Although I don’t recognize myself in this regard. Previously, nothing stopped me from going and having fun until the morning, but now a calm and quiet life with my loved one has become more interesting to me! So, upon his arrival, his friends very quickly found him, who love to tell all sorts of nasty things, like cheating and other slander. Yes, I directly told him that I was invited to a birthday party or a corporate party and said that I would go, but not for long, and upon arriving home, roughly speaking, I called him in another country with a report. He is very jealous, jealous of every pillar. And so do I, and I love him very much. But when he listens enough to his “friends”, he gives me a scandal. And trying in every possible way to prove the opposite to him, as he tells me in response, I don’t believe it or even refuses to listen to anything! And he always tells me that people are not capable of change and refuses to listen to my refutation! Just recently I found out that I was infertile, I told him and no one else, even my parents. Although he didn't approve of it. I don't think they need to know that yet. And I thought that she would leave, but still she stayed with me, saying that we would not lose hope! And that everything will work out, but even after this he refuses to believe me and listen to me, but continues to listen to his friends. Even after the scandal, on the 2-3rd day he comes with the words I can’t live without you. But I can’t forbid him to communicate with friends, I don’t know why, but I’m afraid to even say this out loud. I don’t know what to do anymore. For the sake of our relationship, I left a lot in the past and gave up a lot, a lot! He still thinks that I cheated on him, but I have no idea how to prove to him that this is not so! Even after the next scandal I tried to leave and forget, I retreated into myself, depression appeared, but still it does not leave my head and my heart at all! And I love him very much, and he is the only person for me who gave me back the meaning of life! But I’m tired of suffering in constant scandals from his mistrust. Please tell me what to do?!

Psychologist Oksana Aleksandrovna Kryzhanovskaya answers the question.

Hello Julia!

Periodic separations of 2-3 months are not an easy test for a relationship, especially when people are very young. The ability to build trusting relationships comes with time. The more time a couple is together, the more trust there is between them. Your boyfriend prefers to listen to his friends rather than trust you. Perhaps he has some negative experience in the past. And jealousy is, first of all, lack of confidence in yourself, and then in your partner.

You wrote that you loved him, and he gave you back the meaning of life. Julia! You should not associate the meaning of your life only with love relationships. Because if the relationship doesn’t work out, the disappointment will be very strong...

You ask what to do in such a situation. I think we should try to talk. No scandal, no accusations. Find the right moment to talk, when you are not quarreling, when the young man is in the mood to listen to you. And kindly tell him about your feelings, that you love him, about the pain he causes you with scandals, that trust is important to you in a relationship. And think together what you two can do to correct this situation. Just try not to blame him for anything. Because when you open your heart, he may also open his to you, and then hurtful words can hurt very much...

If the conversation doesn’t work out either the first time or the second or third time, then think: do you want to spend your whole life giving up what interests you, proving something and making excuses? I'm not saying that this will happen all my life, but it's likely. Because it is hardly possible to convince a person if he does not want to listen and believe and continues to insist on his own...

Hello, I have the same problem. About 5 months ago I was on vacation with my parents. I live in a small town where rumors spread very quickly and almost everyone knows each other. So, when I arrived home, I found out that my boyfriend was writing to one girl while intoxicated, asking her to join him with her friends. He didn’t tell me about this, but he also asked my friends not to tell me about it (one of my friends communicates well with that girl). I learned this from this friend, she showed me the correspondence. That day, my friends and I were drinking at the girl’s apartment, when I found out about this I felt very hurt and offended, I was angry and instead of talking to the guy and finding out how everything really happened, I sent him and said, that I don’t want a relationship with him anymore. I know I acted stupidly.
It was night, I was going to spend the night with a friend. In the midst of our “party” we were invited to a guy’s place, and since the owner of the apartment where we were staying communicates well with him, she immediately agreed. I didn’t want to be left alone, but I understood that if I went, my boyfriend would definitely not forgive me, but on the other hand, as I thought then, I was independent. This guy had several guys in his apartment and I knew all of them. We drank together, talked, but without any flirting or any thoughts. They began to slander my boyfriend, to which I replied that none of this was important, we were no longer together.
My martyr was also drinking with friends at that time and calling me. I tried to answer and went out every time to talk to him without unnecessary ears. During our conversation, he really didn’t like where I was and he said that he would come and “pinch” everyone. I didn’t tell him the address because I was afraid that he would start fighting with someone. After the conversation, I began to tell this to one of my friends and the owner of the apartment suddenly entered and heard the last phrase, took it as a threat and began to pester me so that I would tell my boyfriend’s number. Then he finally found my martyr’s number and when he called, they began to swear and yell at each other, he told him the address (they were both drunk and hot-tempered and I was really scared of what would happen). The apartment we were in was not suitable for living, for some kind of drinking, or a pink sleepover, so there was no food or water. I needed to sober up a little, I asked for strong tea, to which they answered that there was no tea here at all, then I went outside to get some air. One guy followed me because it was late at night and he couldn’t leave me alone, my friends at that time went to another place and told me to stay there, saying they were quick. I offered to sit on a bench, but it turned out to be damp and he suggested we go to him, he lives nearby, drink strong tea, eat lemon in order to become normal. But there was nothing to do, my boyfriend was already approaching and I agreed. He immediately warned me that there would be no intimacy, that I need not be afraid, because he knows my parents and works with them. We came and actually drank tea. We sat with him for 15-20 minutes, no more. While I was drinking tea, I didn’t answer my boyfriend, because I was offended and decided that when I finished drinking it, I’d call him. There was no betrayal, not even a single hint, this guy told me about his relationship, gave advice so that I wouldn’t be too upset. We finished our tea and went back, when my friends returned and started asking where I was and what we were doing, they thought that we were having sex (anyone would probably think so). I told them everything and we went back up. Then when my boyfriend came up with his friends he started yelling at me, what am I doing here, etc. Then the guys from the apartment came up. They started to find out who said what, and a fight broke out. I walked away because I couldn't look at it. When they finished, they called me and started asking me, like, are you sure that’s it, you don’t want any more relationships. I couldn't answer, I didn't know what to say. Then my boyfriend and I walked away and he explained to me that he called that girl because his friends asked him to, and he was drunk and didn’t realize what he was doing. I started to get hysterical, he was the only one I completely trusted and believed, and he hid something. Then he told me that he was hiding something else. And he also cried, said that he didn’t value me, that he was ashamed and that he didn’t want to lose me. And I forgave and calmed down a little. He persuaded me to go to him. In the morning I told him that I went to this guy’s house because... I thought it would be better if he learned the truth from me than from someone else like me. He thought that I had cheated on him. And for a month I proved to him that this was not so.
Now everything is great with us, he works on shift and I look forward to our meeting with trepidation. But the other day he again heard rumors that when he came to me that night, I was standing alone with that guy, that it was not just like that. I explained to him that this did not happen, and asked him not to worry about it, because I did not cheat on him. I don’t know how to prove to him that nothing happened? What should I do so that he doesn’t remember this? From time to time he starts scandals because of this, sometimes it almost comes to separation. Help please, I’m already shaking from this topic. I love him very much, I don't want to lose him

My boyfriend thinks I cheated on him

Hello, Katerina.

From your message, I understood that that difficult situation has already passed, you have already explained everything to your boyfriend and made peace. And you are no longer obliged to repeat your explanations to him and prove something.

I’m afraid that it’s not in your power to do anything to prevent him from remembering what happened. It is only in his head and in his power - to remember or not. If he constantly returns to that situation, it means that he is deeply hooked on something. You can try to clear this up.

Try talking to your boyfriend when you're both calm. Ask what prevents him from trusting you? The situation has passed, and his constant returns to her are destroying the relationship. Find out what exactly prevents him from calming down about what happened?

A relationship is a matter of just the two of you. If your boyfriend believes the rumors and not you, he may not fully trust you. It is also important to clarify this point with him.

Sincerely, psychologist Galina Uraeva.

Opinion, you reminded me of one of my friends, we often communicated on the same site, sometimes it seems to me that you are him)) As for the comment, I agree with you that everyone has the right to express their point of view, and let the author decide for himself what should he do? But some here don’t like it, and they begin to find fault with other people’s comments, defend their opinions, and accuse others of God knows what, at the same time labeling them. As a result, there is no help for the author, but only a showdown about who has more and is thicker) Now, after this I don’t even want to come in and comment in confessions. I wrote in my last confession that I do not base my advice on my principles, such as who I am, what I do, and how I look at life, only I know and the author doesn’t care. He only needs advice that will help him get out of the current situation, and not read morals about how bad he is, that’s not what he came here for. Yes, I am attuned to every author, and my task is not to impose my principles on them, but to help them, to help them. People are different, so there should be a different approach to everyone. A person who grew up in a good environment cannot read morals here to someone who grew up in an orphanage. There are many layers in our society, and everyone lives as life has taught them. This means this girl had no one to talk to about such things as honor and dignity, we don’t know her childhood, we don’t know how her parents treated her. We only know that she works and helps the guy, which means she is no longer a freeloader, and is looking for her place in society. But we need to condemn her, and everyone who does not think like us should not live in this world. Well, okay, Icy told me this yesterday, I understand the personal motive there, but I didn’t expect that those users whom I respected here openly began to support her in this statement. I don't care about my reputation, and I don't tremble for it, unlike others. And I will always say what I think, and not what many people want to hear, I can also position myself as an ideal person here, read morals to everyone, it’s not at all difficult, on the contrary, it’s very easy, repeat the same phrases every day. But why do I need this? I myself know who I am, and I don’t need anyone else’s opinion about myself. If a person talks about morals and principles, this is not a reason to admire him, and we know that more often than not they say one thing and do something completely different. Let's take an example, Adolf Hitler, also a moralist, a supporter of a strong family and morality, at the same time, destroyed a quarter of the world's population, all the dregs of society according to his morality, gypsies, homosexuals, gays, etc. Now let's take another of his compatriots, the manufacturer Schidler , who led an immoral lifestyle, walked around, had three mistresses, but for some reason he decided to sell all his property in order to save about 3,000 thousand Jews from death. Two simple examples where a person’s actions are more important than his words..
I remember one case in the army, when I was transporting convicts from a pre-trial detention center to a prison camp. I took one prisoner, just a girl, I doubt that she was still 18. At the station, while they were waiting for the train, an elderly man and woman came up to me and asked me that they were looking for their granddaughter and wanted to know which zone they would send her to. I understood what they meant, this one that I was carrying, and told them the city where she was going. Grandfather and grandmother wanted to thank me and began to give me money, of course I didn’t take it, and led them to the paddy wagon so that they could talk to her through the wall. When I heard how this girl, with tears in her eyes, pitied her old people and asked them not to worry and go home, it really touched me and I took her file out of the cabin and began to study. It turned out that. she was imprisoned for spreading sexually transmitted diseases, but what outraged me most was that none of the judges attached any importance to the fact that this girl, one might say, ended up in the hands of a toy and was used. First her boyfriend, when he put it on his friend, then a friend to another, and so it went in a circle. No one had anything to do with it, but the girl’s life was simply ruined for nothing, and the judges also looked at this from a moral point of view. That's all I wanted to say. You need to learn to understand and put yourself in the position of another person. If everyone challenges their principles, then we will never leave as humanity.