How to stop throwing tantrums to your pregnant husband. Hysterics during pregnancy: consequences, what to do, how to calm down? Why did it happen

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Give up your seat!

A girl with a big belly enters the subway car, looks around helplessly, but the passengers all of a sudden fall asleep, or indifferently avert their eyes to the side. Many expectant mothers say that it’s not so hard to stand as it is offensive to realize that other people treat you with indifference. It’s all the more unpleasant when, upon entering the carriage, the hulking “pregnant woman” is overtaken by strong guys and briskly plop down on the seat with the look of champions. Unfortunately, our world is not flawless, and when we need help, not everyone will respond. Even if we just need to stand for a couple stops. In such a situation, you should take the initiative yourself and ask the passenger to give you a seat. This is better than standing and getting angry at the whole world. Learn to ask for help for your own sake. Expectant mothers are rarely refused. And if this happens, then step aside and turn to someone else. At the same time, do not flaunt your pregnancy. And be sure to thank for the kindness.

Harmful husband

There are perfect husbands! And they go to stores, and cook, and wash dishes. Sometimes it seems that for some reason these darlings get the most from their wives. A pregnant wife is just looking for flaws in the relationship. She delves into herself, into her husband’s behavior, and organizes concerts from scratch. It is not a malicious character that guides a woman’s behavior, but hormones. She herself is not happy with her whims. For the sake of peace of mind, you can step on male pride. Remember: everything that the wife expresses with bitterness and tears is dictated by hormonal surges, and not by her consciousness. Literally in an hour, when the expectant mother calms down and the world begins to sparkle with different colors for her, she will be ashamed of the offensive words. It’s better for the future dad to just hug his obstinate wife and say: “I still love you.” And the clouds will clear. Expectant mothers want more attention and care, and when they don’t get it, in their opinion, resentments arise, which then develop into quarrels and scandals. But you can’t blame everything on hormones. To understand yourself, go to a psychologist. Perhaps you lack maternal care, and you want to find it from your husband, attracting his attention with such “concerts” and not wanting to grow up. What if the husband really doesn’t act in the best way? For example, isn’t interested in how you feel, doesn’t help you carry heavy bags, isn’t worried about the birth of your baby? Experts advise to awaken responsibility in your spouse by telling the future dad about matters related to pregnancy, and more often letting him near the belly. Let him stroke his belly, talk to the baby, and his father’s feelings will awaken. Such communication is very important - attachment is born through it. If your husband likes to lie on the sofa, then try to drive him to the store by any means. Finally, write a shopping list. Many men find it easier to act “according to instructions.”

My second mother

Yes, you can come to an agreement with your husband and make peace easily. With mother-in-law the situation is more complicated. Here is a paradox: many women dream of grandchildren, but at the same time they hate with fierce hatred those who provide them with this happiness - their daughters-in-law. Or they just don’t want to put themselves in their position, help, encourage and support. If the mother-in-law is indeed a monster, it is, of course, better to live separately. And if this is not possible, then abstract yourself from the situation, look at the rancor as if from the outside, play the role of an observer. And it’s better to share your worries between yourself and a neutral person - a psychologist.

We need to figure out why the daughter-in-law-mother-in-law relationship has become so critical. Responsibility for establishing contacts lies not only with the “second mother,” but also with the daughter-in-law. We must remember that when coming to someone else’s house, you cannot impose your own rules. You will have to adapt to the rules that apply there. Often, things begin between two women a game of survival, competition for one man. In such cases, you also need to talk. It is worth conveying to the mother-in-law that she is not losing her son. Show: I am not competing with you, he is still your son. In most cases, the daughter-in-law thinks, that the world revolves around her. And all requests from her husband’s mother are met with hostility. But having created your own family, you preserve your first families. This means that you must respect established traditions. Try to react calmly to your mother-in-law’s comments (even unfair ones). Remember, that she is probably having a hard time now too. Sometimes, instead of passionately defending her position, it is better to laugh it off: “You know everything, Marya Ivanovna! But tell me, where is our jar of raspberry jam?” Let's drink tea together." A good example of a recipe for a good relationship with a mother-in-law, according to a psychologist, was given by one famous actress: “When I first got to my husband’s house, before going to bed, I paid attention to how the pillows were fluffed and how there are capes on them. The next morning I did the same. My mother-in-law noticed this and said: “I like you.” That’s how I found an approach to my husband’s mother, and we became friends.”

Circumstances are to blame

If both the husband holds on and the mother-in-law is golden, then the pregnant capricious woman will definitely find a reason for resentment in the environment or the behavior of other people. Anything can be a reason for tears: indifferent colleagues don’t call from work, the apartment is cramped, the weather is disgusting... Midwife and mother of six children Alena Lebedeva advises pregnant women... to think not only about themselves, but also about others. The so-called pregnancy blues (this beautiful word - presumably from the American idiom to feel blue - “to be in sadness” - refers to the unstable states of expectant mothers) is not a reason to become completely selfish. Pregnancy is the most wonderful time in the life of many women. It’s a shame to waste it on insults !The expectant mother often behaves like a child, and even needs care like a baby. But those around her still perceive her as an adult. And they communicate as equals. On the one hand, they may really lack sensitivity. On the other hand — a pregnant woman should look inside herself and draw conclusions to see whether her offense is really justified.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones

In general, don’t make mistakes so that you have only the best memories from your pregnancy! Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Pregnancy is the beginning of a very long journey that you have to go through with your child. So, it’s better to get ready and walk right away. Is my husband’s mother again giving bad advice and interfering in things that aren’t her own business? Learn to react correctly along this difficult road in high spirits. As they say, to spite the enemy, to the delight of the mother. Changes in hormonal levels during pregnancy cause increased susceptibility to external factors. No matter how you are offended, always think that through your experiences you are causing psychological discomfort, first of all to yourself and your child. Try to abstract yourself from everything that can cause negative emotions and communicate more with your baby.

Oksana889

Good afternoon. Thank you for paying attention to this topic. I'm 22 years old, I've been married for almost a year. At the beginning of the relationship with my husband, everything was fine, he cared, did not allow rude words addressed to me, and was the initiator of many affairs and purchases for the home. I really wanted a child, but I was not ready. After the wedding, pressure from relatives and their happy vision of the future calmed me down and I agreed to get pregnant. Everyone around was delighted, and here I am at the 7th month, there is no turning back, and dramatic changes have occurred on my husband’s side. If before he did something around the house himself, now you ask him for three days to simply vacuum the floor. It started with his vacation, when he sat stupidly all month and played at the computer. I didn't mind, because... My husband hasn’t been on vacation for two years, and I myself understand how addictive the games are. Also, gradually, he began to raise his voice at me, allow rude statements and obscenities at me. First in private, but now he is not shy about my relatives. I am very ashamed of his behavior in front of my family. My reaction was different. I tried to calmly ask him not to talk to me in that tone. I tried to answer him in the same way. In the beginning, the effective method was to start being rude to him in the same spirit. Now this has not helped for a long time. Regarding pregnancy, he seems to be happy about the baby, but he says that I have become fat and ugly. Doesn't stroke the belly and doesn't talk to the baby. He doesn’t care what I ate or whether I ate, whether I slept comfortably, etc. That is, I don’t feel caring on his part. I'm very worried about my appearance. I gained 20kg, acne and stretch marks appeared on my body, and I had to wear glasses because of my vision. I don’t have money for beautiful clothes or manicures. I do what I can myself. Self-esteem dropped to zero, plus restrictions and pain during pregnancy. Yesterday we had a fight while he was playing a game. (Every evening he runs to the computer and spits on me for a long time now). I often mind my own business at this time. At some point I asked where he was flying in the game. He started answering me on the mats, broke his plane, and blamed me for all the failures. It was difficult for me to restrain myself, I asked him to talk normally, he continued in a raised voice, and I threw a pillow at him. He came up and kicked me as hard as he could in the leg. I was very hurt. I cried, to which he said, “Shut your mouth, *poison. Shut up! Don’t be annoying.” But I couldn’t, it hurt, I cried and became hysterical. Hysteria in my case is a moment when I can’t calm down myself, tears flow like a river and I’m suffocating. Lately, due to frequent quarrels, I need more and more time to calm down. About an hour or more, because... As soon as I begin to calm down, he begins to bring it up again. And I'm suffocating. Abdominal pain immediately. He does not care. In the end, I said that I didn’t need such a relationship and I would go write an application for divorce. In response, my favorite plate flew into the wall. The fragment ricocheted into an expensive TV, the loan for which had recently been paid off and it broke. That’s when my husband realized what a fool he was, that there was no need to quarrel, although initially he tried to blame me for this. And I realized that some kind of TV is more important to him than his wife and future child. My life and my child’s are less valuable in his eyes than TV. Internally, I am glad that he broke it, it was retribution for him. But I don’t know what to do next and where to take the child. Honestly, I don’t want to be a mother, and if I get divorced, I won’t have anything to live on. (They don’t hire a pregnant woman). And where then with the baby? Previously, there were isolated cases when he hit me. 4 times. I swore that it wouldn’t happen again - I don’t believe it. I told him that I wouldn’t forgive him this time.

Oksana889

We live with my grandmother and husband. I don’t have a mother (she died in childhood), I haven’t had a father all my life, I recently found him with the words “daughter, I always loved you,” and the fact that he abandoned my mother as a child, who was ill with me in his arms, seems to have nothing to do with it. I only communicate with him on holidays.
Education teacher. I'm getting my diploma this year. Before that, I worked as a designer, an official marketer, I was used to achieving everything myself, and not sitting on someone’s neck. It’s just that this pregnancy stopped my ability to work. Yes, temporarily, but I feel dependent. It is unpleasant.
From the consultation on the forum I expect advice on how to build my future life. Is it worth getting a divorce and where should I put the child in this case... Should I give it to my husband? Don't know. Forgive your husband's behavior? What if this happens again and gets worse? On the other hand, where am I, pregnant, without money? My grandmother has a pension of 8k, I can’t sit on her neck, I have to take care of her.
Plus my hysterics when almost any rude word brings me to tears and I can’t control it. And then everything gets worse and I start to choke. Maybe some antidepressants or tranquilizers or just go crazy? (It’s seriously hard for me to calm down, I want to enjoy life and not be such a crybaby.

Good afternoon, Oksana889!
Judging by your letter, the state of affairs is quite serious in terms of the fact that you are pregnant and any shocks (quarrel, stress, screaming, and even more so beatings, etc.) directly affect the health of you and your unborn child.
Oksana, answer a few more questions:
- How old is your husband and how long have you known each other?
- whose territory do you live in?
- will you receive maternity benefits?
- How old is your grandmother, with whom you live?
- where do your husband’s relatives live and how do they feel about you and your pregnancy?
- did your husband play computer games before?
And describe your husband's character.

Oksana889, you need to calm down now, I understand that it is difficult to do this in such an environment, but it is possible if you wish. To do this, you need to focus on yourself and your child. This is important because there is nothing more important for the future life of the baby: how the pregnancy is going, how the mother feels, what she is worried about, what she is thinking about, etc.
There are many different videos about this, register on VK and come visit me - vk.com/ms.olga.klimova, I have many videos on this topic and here is one of them:
vk.com/video-39207484_163066155?list=e8f93cc02e54176bc4

I'm very worried about my appearance. I gained 20kg, acne and stretch marks appeared on my body, and I had to wear glasses because of my vision.

What is your deadline? What do doctors say during a consultation: how is your pregnancy going?
Is your weight gain normal?

He came up and kicked me as hard as he could in the leg. I was very hurt. I cried, to which he said, “Shut your mouth, *poison. Shut up! Don’t be annoying.” But I couldn’t, it hurt, I cried and became hysterical. Hysteria in my case is a moment when I can’t calm down myself, tears flow like a river and I’m suffocating. Lately, due to frequent quarrels, I need more and more time to calm down. About an hour or more, because... As soon as I begin to calm down, he begins to bring it up again. And I'm suffocating. Abdominal pain immediately. He does not care.

This is far from the norm in a relationship; for good reason, you would need to distance yourself from your husband and live separately until the birth - is this possible?
And your task now is to enter into conflict situations with your husband as little as possible.
When a woman is pregnant, a very strong hormonal change in the body occurs, many things and conditions appear, such as: drowsiness, absent-mindedness, tearfulness, touchiness, forgetfulness, irritability, etc. And this is within the normal range, it goes away after childbirth.
But abdominal pain is an alarming signal that you shouldn’t worry, you need to calm down.
I recommend to many people to do the “Resource State” technique, you can find it here: it’s the last one in the section, try it. You can do it every day - it helps you calm down.

Oksana889

My husband is 22, we have known each other for 2 years. The relationship quickly developed. But at the beginning of the relationship he was perfect. He wasn’t rude, he wasn’t rude, he cared, he won me over with his actions, he often asked what I wanted, and he suggested getting married after a while.
We live with me + his dacha.
As for maternity leave, I’m still a student, but this is the last month. I haven’t officially worked for more than a year because of my studies. Freelancing only. Accordingly, maternity leave is only the minimum wage and that’s it.
My grandmother is 61 and her relationship was terrible. Three husbands, all of them died in turn, she was beaten when she was pregnant, and was not respected. And things didn’t work out for my mother with men. Maybe that's why this happens to me too. My husband's relatives live not far from us. Yesterday I talked to his mother about this behavior. She was shocked and began to talk to her son, but he was rude to her too. They treat me well, they really look forward to having a grandson or granddaughter.
Previously it was the other way around. When we met, I played computer games (not all day long, but quite a lot), and he liked it, but he reproached me lovingly. Gradually, I completely lost interest in games. In terms of sitting and playing, it became uninteresting. I prefer to do things with my hands - draw, cook, sew, play musical instruments, etc. In general, his gambling addiction does not annoy me, I just don’t like it when he sacrifices real things to play. For example, for two days I have to ask him to vacuum the house. Elementary, after all, 10 minutes of business. As a matter of principle, I don’t vacuum myself, but wait for him to complete his duties.
As for character, it’s easier to write a typical beetle in socionics. Everything fits right down to the description of appearance. I am Yesenin.
As for the weight, everything is normal so far, but I’m eating less than in the first trimester, but I’m gaining more weight. + swelling. + Lately I’ve been eating stress with delicious food, which also affects me. For example, we had a fight, I went and bought myself some ice cream and immediately felt happy. And the fact that I eat alone, but he doesn’t get it... This is bad, it’s like revenge on myself to the detriment of my appearance. It’s like I’ve become fat (I notice that a kind of dependence on tasty food has begun to form - there’s nothing more to be happy about. I tried to go on a diet (which can be done if you’re sick) but the desire to eat something tasty is always greater (((. 7 months. I reassure myself that I’m over I'll work on my body after giving birth, but right now you can't really change anything. I don't know how to swim, I'm afraid to study, so I'd sign up for the pool. But I think it's not a good time now; it's not a good time for a pregnant woman to overcome the stress of fear of water and depth.
Regarding hysterics and lack of air, this also happened before, but in exceptional cases. Yes, if it gets to the point, I often cry, but to choke like that is really scary. As a result, you breathe spasmodically and feel dizzy... From hyperventilation?
And in order not to be so nervous because of rudeness, it helps me to emotionally close myself off from a person, not to do anything for him. Not to love. Fall out of love. So I organized a boycott for him for such behavior - I cook at home, if he wants to eat, let him cook for himself, etc. But this is not the family I would like to have. I want to live in love and mutual respect, and not when you are taken for granted. Again, if I don’t love a person, I won’t be able to live with him.
Now he pretends like nothing happened. Didn't even apologize. And I pretend that I don’t care about him. I don’t kiss him, I don’t hug him, I don’t accept his hugs and I don’t take his hand when we walk down the street, although we usually always hold hands and he suggests it himself. But I say that I don’t want to and I’m still angry.
It seems he doesn’t see his fault in what happened. My such states of stress do not bother him, but he is more worried about the TV that he broke. This is how my life and the life of my child are valued less than some TV.

As for the weight, everything is normal so far, but I’m eating less than in the first trimester, but I’m gaining more weight. + swelling. +

This is normal for the last trimester, since now the baby is gaining a lot of body weight, prepare for the upcoming difficult feat - he needs to be born!!! And this requires strength)

Lately I’ve been eating stress with delicious food, which also affects me. For example, we had a fight, I went and bought myself some ice cream and immediately felt happy.

And it is also understandable that, due to your position, you need positive emotions and support from your husband, and in such a situation doubly so. Do you understand that you have already developed an addiction to sweet food as compensation for pleasure? You can work on this sooner after giving birth, although now you can still enjoy it through: massage, walks, watching movies, music, handicrafts.
After childbirth, swimming and walking are good for recovery.

I tried to go on a diet (which is possible if you are sick), but the desire to snatch up something tasty always trumps

Forget the word DIET, you need to eat normally, fully, just shift the emphasis from sweets to healthy foods. If I wanted ice cream, I went and peeled carrots and ate them, for example!
Of course, this requires awareness in actions and a desire to help yourself and your body.

Regarding hysterics and lack of air, this also happened before, but in exceptional cases.

At what age did this start?

And in order not to be so nervous because of rudeness, it helps me to emotionally close myself off from a person, not to do anything for him. Not to love. Fall out of love. So I organized a boycott for him for such behavior - I cook at home, if he wants to eat, let him cook for himself, etc. But this is not the family I would like to have. I want to live in love and mutual respect, and not when you are taken for granted. Again, if I don’t love a person, I won’t be able to live with him.

Describe your relationship before marriage and now? What is the difference between his attitude and yours?

Pregnancy and childbirth are one of the most amazing miracles in the world. And the expectant mother undoubtedly has the right to feel special, because she is more involved in this wonderful event than others.

But, as they say, nothing human is alien to her. Few people never break the recommended diet for nine months. And someone wants to start choosing hair dye at a time when this is, in principle, undesirable. And, perfectly understanding the importance of positive emotions, it is sometimes so difficult to cope with the desire to scream, cry, or further break dishes - in general, create a real scandal!

Why did it happen?

This question concerns not only the friends and closest relatives of a pregnant woman - those who experience unexpected outbursts of irritability and anger. She herself sometimes doesn’t understand why she can’t calm down or quickly forget something that previously didn’t cause any emotions at all. And there are more than enough reasons. The main one is hormonal changes in the body. After all, the amount of some hormones, including progesterone, which is responsible for irritability, increases many times. Another reason is psychological. Almost all pregnant women, especially in the first trimester, experience tension and anxiety. There are so many changes and important things to do, so many worries and problems, but those around you do not understand this. “It just drove me crazy when at work they told me that some report needed to be done urgently, because it was very important. My whole life is changing, nothing more important exists for me! And how can I stay late after a working day , if I’m just waiting for this day to end?”

Those who suffer the most are those at home and mainly the future dad, who sometimes cannot even understand what he is to blame for. He may be to blame for the fact that he arrived an hour later than he promised (you were going crazy with excitement, but he doesn’t care at all); or the fact that he didn’t immediately rush to read the magazine about babies that you bought (he’s so indifferent to the child - maybe he doesn’t want children at all?); or that he didn’t find your favorite tulips in February (and it’s his sacred duty to please you now). Why is it the husband who gets hit? Why are most of the claims brought against him, the person closest to him? Most psychologists believe that this is an instinctive test of the future dad's strength and preparation for ever-increasing responsibility. Another opinion is that nature “conceived” this with the aim of reducing sexual contacts at undesirable times for the baby. One way or another, such sentiments prevail among women, as a rule, in the first trimester, when adaptation takes place and when doctors actually often recommend limiting intimate life.

The second trimester is calmer. Emotional outbursts occur much less frequently, and many characterize this period as “serene anticipation.” The closer to childbirth, the more thoughts of the expectant mother are occupied by thoughts about the baby and the less she worries about all other problems. In the last few weeks, there has generally been emotional freezing and complete immersion in one’s feelings, so if conflicts do occur, then this is an exception.

Of course, in addition to physiological ones, emotionality also depends on other factors.

For example, depending on the characteristics of temperament - impulsive and impetuous natures are always more prone to quarrels and conflicts than calm and reasonable ones. This also depends on the conditions of pregnancy, including its timeliness and desirability. One way or another, all this is absolutely natural, and if you feel that you are overwhelmed with irritation, anger, resentment, give free rein to your feelings and...

Scandal for your health!

Don't hold back or hide your emotions. There is absolutely no benefit from this - neither to you nor to your loved ones. Firstly, it is harmful to health: people who experience everything within themselves are prone to hypertension and other cardiovascular diseases. Secondly, constantly holding back irritation can lead to the fact that at one point it breaks out with even greater force. Thirdly, you can hide the cause of resentment or anger, but not the condition itself. And it’s unlikely that it will be easier for those around you if, saying that everything is fine, you sit all evening with a gloomy look in front of the TV or stand by the window, wiping your tears.

Of course, breaking dishes and screaming is not the only way to return emotions to normal. Everyone knows their own, “bloodless” methods. Women in such a situation, as a rule, want to speak out - after all, they are more emotional than men. So talking to a friend can change the situation for the better. Walking around the city helps some, while others escape anger and stress by hand washing (preferably large items).

If you are one of those who, in order to relax, definitely need to “say everything that’s boiling over”, then consider a few points. First, don't let your emotions control your actions. Remember the wise saying “The morning is wiser than the evening”, now it is very useful. And if, in the heat of a scandal, you have a desire to immediately pack your things and go to your mother, or get a divorce, or quit your job - postpone this decision until the next morning, or even better, the next day.

Second, make sure that your loved ones do not suffer too much from your mood swings, attacks of resentment, or even aggression. Of course, you have every right to all this, especially now, but what should they do? They cannot understand the full range of your experiences, no matter how hard they try. Maybe it would be better if you explained that your condition is not always controllable and asked them to be patient?

Third, you should not feel guilty about this. Irritability, anxiety, and anger do not mean that you are a bad wife and mother. This is a completely normal reaction to a change in situation. A little time will pass and everything will fall into place.

Fourth, remember that we can still do a lot to become more balanced and calm. Moreover, it is often enough to use the simplest relaxation methods and “remake” your day a little.

A good mood is your doing

Often, when returning home, we transfer our work activity and excitement to the family. Having failed to get rid of the day's impressions, we take out our bad mood on our family. To reduce the risk of scandals of this kind, establish a tradition: when you return home, immediately relax. Sit in a chair, relax and sit quietly. Listen to your favorite music. Try to completely immerse yourself in the sound, disconnecting from all your thoughts. You can make yourself tea and drink it slowly, in small sips, while also thinking about something extraneous, for example, where this tea grew and who collected it. It would be nice to take a walk in the fresh air, especially since walking is especially beneficial for you now.
If you often feel mental and muscle tension, learn special relaxation exercises that will help you find balance.

It is advisable to perform the exercises in a separate room, without prying eyes. To begin, take the starting position - lying on your back, without a pillow, legs slightly apart, feet turned toes outward, arms lying freely along the body with palms up. The whole body is relaxed, eyes are closed, breathing through the nose.

Lie quietly for about 2 minutes. Imagine the room you are in. Mentally walk around the entire room along the walls, then in the opposite direction.
Focus on your breathing. Feel how you breathe, feel that the air you inhale is colder than the air you exhale.
Take a shallow breath and hold your breath for a moment. Tighten all your muscles at the same time for a few seconds. As you exhale, relax. Repeat the exercise 3 times.
Lie quietly for a few minutes, completely relaxing and focusing on the feeling of the heaviness of your body. Register all environmental sounds in your consciousness, but do not perceive them. The same applies to thoughts. Don't try to overcome them - you just need to register them.

Perform tension-relaxation exercises for individual muscles of the body one at a time. Start with your legs, then move on to your gluteal muscles, chest muscles, arms, and face.

In conclusion, mentally “run through” all the muscles of the body: is there even the slightest tension left somewhere? If yes, try to remove it, as relaxation should be complete.
Lie down quietly again - relax, breathing evenly, without delays. You feel rested, calm, full of strength.
Open your eyes, close them, open them again. Stretch as you would after sleep. Sit down very slowly, without jerking. Then stand up just as slowly, trying to maintain a pleasant feeling of internal relaxation for as long as possible.

If you suddenly find yourself in a stressful situation, you can find ways to help yourself and calm down. Here are some ways to relieve stress:

Calming breathing. Slowly take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold your breath for a moment, then exhale as slowly as possible. Imagine that with each deep inhalation and long exhalation you are partially releasing stress.
Look around and carefully examine the room you are in. Pay attention to the smallest details, even if you know them perfectly. Slowly, without rushing, “go through” all the items one by one in a certain sequence. Focus completely on this “inventory”. Say mentally to yourself: “Brown desk. White curtains. Bright flower vase,” etc. You will distract yourself from internal tension, directing your shooting to a rational perception of the environment.
Engage in some activity, preferably physical (feasible) labor. In a stressful situation, this will act as a lightning rod - you will direct your energy in a “peaceful direction” and at the same time be distracted.

Rules of behavior in a conflict situation

Of course, quarrels are not always caused by excessive emotionality or tension accumulated by negative events. What to do if the reason is deeper, if a happy relationship is hampered by serious contradictions and mutual claims, when it becomes clear that there is a conflict situation in the family?

It’s also not worth holding back, waiting for everything to resolve itself or for you to get used to this state of affairs. A “good quarrel” will turn out to be better in this case than a “bad peace”, but provided that you are trying to understand each other, convey your emotions to your interlocutor and ultimately improve your relationship, and not destroy it by humiliating your partner and merciless abuse .

If, despite all the problems, you have not changed your desire to live together, you should think about conflict resolution tactics. There are rules for “competently” resolving such situations.

Discuss only what is causing the quarrel. Then the topic will eventually exhaust itself. If you jump from one topic to another, then the scandal will become an end in itself and as a result you will come to nothing.
Eliminate all statements that can humiliate or insult a person, that call into question his human dignity, male (female) viability. “If I knew, I would never marry you!”, “You’re not a man!”, “Loser!”, “A decent man in your place...” - try never to say anything like that.
Do not transfer reproaches to other family members, be it your parents or children: “Everything like your mother!”, “What can we expect from children with such a father!”
Don't generalize. In the heat of a quarrel, it is sometimes difficult to remember something good, but otherwise the quarrel will also be more difficult to stop, and, in addition, it may leave a very heavy aftertaste. “You don’t like children at all,” “You don’t care about your family.” By the way, women are more prone to such statements than men, and by convincing the husband that he does not need a family, he can, in the end, be... convinced.
Use the word “I” more often, rather than “you,” and talk about what exactly you don’t like and what you have complaints about. This will help you not go beyond your partnership and will not turn you into enemies.
Be sure to talk about your experiences. Share your feelings after a quarrel: “I feel very bad when this happens,” “I would like everything to be the same,” “I’m sorry I said that,” such expressions help close the topic.
If you already have children, try not to quarrel in front of them. They may not understand that nothing terrible will follow the screams. Remember that for them your quarrels are one of the lessons on how to behave in a family.

Of course, it would be great if family life could be free of conflicts. Unfortunately, there are no conflict-free families. But quarreling correctly and sorting things out correctly is also an art. And the better you master it, the more viable your family is. This is especially important to remember now - on the eve of the birth of your baby.

Elizaveta Yuryeva, psychologist

Nervous breakdowns during pregnancy. and got the best answer

Answer from Natalia Ch[guru]
at the moment of a quarrel, you don’t think about the child, but think about your pride, any phrase hurts you twice because you also add the thought “and he’s a goat, I’m carrying his child” - a common stupidity!!! In fact, think about the baby, when because of such little things the kids get sick or grow up restless, you will be ready to put everything back in place, but it will be too late to change everything! and you must understand that you are carrying the child for yourself first of all, you will soon be a mother and you will understand that the child is your own blood, and men come and go! God forbid, of course, that you will have a wonderful husband and dad, but now think about the child together and at least start with yourself! You may have hormones, but a man doesn’t need to prove anything in your situation, he’ll never be in it anyway... even if you get drunk or get stoned, you know who’s worse off for it yourself...

Answer from Katya Solovyova[guru]
Woohoo! It is strange that there is no toxicosis that causes an aversion to tobacco smoke and smell. Beating yourself is a teenage theme, but you still seem to be planning to carry your pregnancy to term? You need to visit a forum where failed mothers discuss the causes of miscarriages, stillbirths, and missed abortions so that your priorities fall into place.
Your husband is annoying you, and you take it out on the fruit... It's mean.

Answer from Ariafan13 ariafan13[guru]
What if you don’t communicate with him for a while before giving birth?

Answer from Evgenia Grigorieva[guru]
I have never had such a terrible relationship with my husband as during the second half of pregnancy. A month before giving birth, I wanted to get a divorce, despite the fact that I’m not particularly eager to take rash steps. I had already laid out in my head how I could cope on my own... I persuaded me to wait until the birth... Everything was very bad.
At the same time, it never occurred to me to be hysterical, much less to beat myself...) My task was to carry and give birth to a healthy child. Compared to her, everything recedes into the background. What the hell are cigarettes? What kind of suicide, God forbid???
Your condition may be due to hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy. If I were you, I would immediately see a doctor, today.

Answer from Victoria Mokrushina[guru]
Alice, don't do this. The baby in the belly is very nervous. Calm down, give birth, do not pay attention to external stimuli - the child is very dependent on you now

Answer from Zarema Magomedovna[guru]
Well, ask your husband not to pester you! My mother, too, when she was pregnant with my brother, hated my dad, and when I was with me, she couldn’t live without him))

Answer from Belle xxx[guru]
There are some men who cannot get into the position of their girlfriend (wife, etc.) and the fact that hormones play during pregnancy, he was warned, he does not give in to provocations. Nothing has changed in the relationship, he can also persistently argue with you, criticize and make remark, and now you react to everything very sharply and painfully. You want to be pitied and taken care of, because these 9 months will fly by, and you won’t even have anything to remember except quarrels and insults. Try to pay less attention to your husband, go for a walk, go shopping, read an interesting book, watch movies, chat with friends. You, just like him, need to rest emotionally.

Answer from Di[guru]
When you give birth to a baby, you will realize that you were a fool, but it will be too late. Why do you need such a husband? Chose a man instead of a child?

Answer from Antonina Tikhonova[guru]
Why harm yourself when you can have a blast on someone who makes you hysterical?) beat him)
I understand that you yourself have become like a pregnant gopnik)

Mood swings are normal during pregnancy. Many expectant mothers become more emotional and perceive the surrounding reality more acutely.

Often their reactions are too violent, accompanied by tears and screaming. People call this condition hysteria and its negative impact on the condition of the woman and the fetus has been known for a long time.

Causes of hysteria during pregnancy

It is quite difficult for expectant mothers to control their emotions, so hysteria can be triggered by almost any factor - family relationships, physical illness, worries about the future, even bad weather. The true roots of mood swings can be very different from what lies on the surface. The most common causes of hysterics in expectant mothers:

Hormonal changes in the body. It is only at first glance that a woman practically does not change at the beginning of pregnancy. At this time, global changes are taking place inside her, restructuring the body to suit the needs of the fetus. Hormone levels and the functioning of the endocrine system as a whole change. This restructuring affects the woman’s well-being, for example, it causes dizziness and nausea, and also affects her emotional background. Often, expectant mothers suffer from irritability, depression and cannot explain what is wrong with them. In fact, these are echoes of hormonal changes.
Concerns about the child. Even if this is not your first pregnancy, it can be scary every time - will everything be okay, how will the baby develop, how will the birth go. Particularly suspicious expectant mothers constantly listen to their bodies and mistake the slightest spasm in the intestines for an incipient miscarriage. This often happens if a woman has not been able to get pregnant for a long time and is now afraid of losing her baby. Constant fear and tension can make a woman nervous and unsociable, as well as worsen her physical health.
Fear of change and responsibility. This often happens to women who did not plan for a child and are not ready for motherhood. They are afraid of the impending changes, the abandonment of their usual way of life and the enormous responsibility that the new position imposes.

More often, hysterics occur in women who were previously predisposed to sudden mood swings. A tendency to excessive dramatization, impulsiveness and rapid excitability, a tendency to dwell on negative thoughts and suspiciousness are prerequisites for the development of hysterics during pregnancy.

Hysterical moods can be caused by a lack of certain vitamins and minerals. Nowadays, this is not common, since most women eat normally. But severe vomiting in the first trimester can cause vitamin deficiency.

By hysteria in this situation we mean overexcitement, too strong emotions that a woman cannot cope with. Sometimes such a state can provoke an excess of joy, but this rarely happens. More often than not, the cause of hysteria is negative emotions. In this state, a woman may cry, scream at others, or blame herself for something.

In women with a closed character, who are not accustomed to expressing their emotions, strong emotional shocks can pass without violent manifestations. At the same time, the destructive power of too intense experiences will be no less. Signs of such a “quiet hysteria” will be:

apathy, constant lethargy;
loss of appetite and interest in life;
restlessness and anxiety;
frequent dizziness and palpitations.

If the expectant mother looks depressed, often cries for no apparent reason, and refuses any activity, this is a dangerous sign.

Remember - stress negatively affects not only the well-being of the mother, but also the health of the unborn child.

During times of intense stress, our body releases special stress hormones. They are produced in the adrenal glands. If a person is often nervous or his state of stress practically does not go away, these organs may even increase in size, while the volume of biologically active substances increases.

One of the most dangerous is the hormone cortisol or corticosterone. For the mother, an excess of this substance threatens edema, hypertension, obesity and a decrease in the body's defenses. This substance is constantly present in the blood in increased quantities and easily penetrates the placental barrier into the baby’s bloodstream. This leads to activation of his adrenal glands and the entire endocrine system, and also negatively affects the development of the nervous system and brain of the fetus.

How tantrums during pregnancy affect the fetus and mother

Traditionally, they try to protect expectant mothers from any stress. This is not just a beautiful custom, but a real necessity of life. The fact is that too strong experiences can provoke a number of negative consequences, such as:

Miscarriage or premature birth. Stress is not the most common cause of spontaneous abortion, but it is still better to avoid strong feelings.
Postpartum depression. Do not forget that after the birth of the baby, the young mother will face another major restructuring of the body. Now her body will no longer be a vessel for the child, but will become a source of nutrition and love for him. To do this, the hormonal background will have to change again. If during pregnancy the expectant mother was often nervous, it will be difficult for her to adapt to the new role and the next adjustment may become too difficult for her. Depressed state and problems with lactation are the most harmless consequences. Often women lose their sanity and harm themselves and their children. Such conditions require serious treatment in a specialized hospital.
Child development disorders. At the moment, there is no confirmed evidence that a specific emotion leads to certain developmental disorders. But it has long been noticed that if a mother suffers from frequent hysterics, the likelihood of having a child with ADHD and diseases of the nervous and cardiovascular systems increases.

Sometimes the long-term consequences of maternal hysterics appear years and even decades after the birth of the child. Such children may have difficulties communicating and working in a team, they are more likely to develop phobias, and they are more likely to suffer from depression and allergic diseases.

Why are tantrums dangerous in the early stages?

In the first months of pregnancy, all the organs of the child are formed. Therefore, it is so important to lead a healthy lifestyle and remain calm during this period. Strong experiences and the release of large amounts of stress hormones into the blood can affect the formation of fetal tissue. In addition, during hysteria, the amount of oxygen in a woman’s blood decreases, and this is fraught with fetal hypoxia.

The second trimester is often called the “golden” period of pregnancy. The violent hormonal changes are already behind us, and the difficulties of the last months have not yet arrived. During this period, a woman can fully enjoy future motherhood and get used to her new status. In the absence of serious external stimuli, the risk of hysterics during this period is minimal.

In the third trimester, the body begins to prepare for childbirth, and expectant mothers become more nervous. The fear of future birth and the need to prepare for it are depressing. A woman needs to prepare everything for maternity leave, adapt the house to accommodate the baby, and collect all the necessary dowry for the baby. Constant fuss leads to fatigue, and this can worsen the appetite of the expectant mother and lead to insufficient nutrition of the fetus.

Another source of irritation is a growing belly. It interferes with normal movement, coordination of movements is impaired, and gait changes. Most women during this period begin to feel clumsy, unattractive, weak and helpless. All factors together can provoke a nervous breakdown, hysteria, constant tears and reproaches towards loved ones. In the later stages, excessive worries can provoke premature birth.

Most mothers notice that during hysterics and crying, babies in the tummy begin to behave more actively - more often and stronger. This is a sign of discomfort. Perhaps the child does not have enough air and hypoxia is approaching, which can provoke a developmental disorder in the baby.

How to calm down during a tantrum?

If you feel that your emotions are running high and you are finding it difficult to control yourself, try to calm down immediately. There are several effective ways to do this:

Deep breathing. Inhale more air and hold it a little, then exhale slowly and so on several times until the desire to cry, scream, etc. disappears. For most people, after this there is “enlightenment” in the head and at this moment it is necessary to try to switch to other thoughts.
Drink some water. A glass of cool water, drunk right away, will help you calm down a little.
Wash yourself. First you need to wet your face and neck with cool water, then you can turn the water warmer and colder several times. This contrasting wash will calm you down even better.

After the first fuse has passed, you must try to drive away negative thoughts from yourself. You can lie down for a while, take a walk or watch a good movie. Music or light exercise helps many people.

First of all, you need to understand that spending all nine months with a blissful smile on your lips is unrealistic. Emotions, including negative ones, are a normal part of our lives and are also needed by the future fetus. The main thing is to control the intensity of these sensations.

Often expectant mothers forget about this - first they become hysterical, then they worry that they have harmed the child and again bring themselves to hysterics. Mood swings, especially at the very beginning of pregnancy, are normal and there is no need to make yourself and your loved ones hostage to your nerves.

To put your mood in order, try to use these tips:

Look for the positive. Some girls, when they become pregnant, begin to think that this is the end of their life, career, freedom, etc. Understand that pregnancy is the beginning of something completely new, full of enchanting sensations and the magical happiness of motherhood. Blogs of parents with many children who talk about their positive experiences help to get into a positive mood. In the end, life is constantly changing, in kindergarten it is much more comfortable than at work, but we don’t sit there until old age.
Seize every joyful moment. Yes, enjoying pregnancy while battling morning sickness or nausea is not easy. But this is not forever. But only now they can scratch your tummy from the inside.
Don't isolate yourself. If you feel bad, tell your husband and loved ones about it, ask them for help and support. Don’t wait for hysteria, when a sea of accusations and rivers of tears flow onto their heads, tell them immediately as soon as you notice that they lack strength.
Move more, communicate, walk. A walk will help you unwind, and communication will distract you from sad thoughts. You can sign up for water aerobics or fitness for expectant mothers. There you will probably find girlfriends who are solving the same problems.
Give yourself a break. There is no need to try to be an ideal wife and mother if you don’t have the strength to do so. If a person annoys you, try to keep communication with him to a minimum. Allow yourself to be capricious a little, relax, without leading to a nervous breakdown and hysterics.

If such simple steps do not help, and you feel that you simply cannot control yourself, and hysterics become more and more frequent, do not hesitate to contact a specialist. Perhaps the reason is a lack of nutrients, and a simple vitamin complex will help you out. Psychotherapy, massage or taking mild sedatives often helps solve the problem. In rare cases, antidepressants are prescribed.

But remember that in most cases, a positive attitude and support from loved ones help solve the problem with mood swings and prevent the recurrence of hysterics.