A 2 5 year old child is greedy. Children's greed: reasons and recommendations for parents. What to do, how to deal with a child’s greed - practical advice for parents

Most children have difficulty parting with their toys and do not want to share anything. Probably every mother had to blush on the playground or at a party when their child shouted to other kids: “This is mine!” I'm not giving it!".

Greed in childhood is a natural defense mechanism. The child thus tries to defend his “property”, to win the right to own toys, books or something else. The baby observes that mom and dad have personal things that only they use. This means that the child must also have property. Read this article about how to find out the reasons for greed and teach your child to share his values.

Greed is a natural defense of one’s own “values”, a struggle for the right to possess something.

Is greed an age norm or a deviation?

First you need to understand whether the child is consciously greedy or whether this is a natural stage of his development. The answer depends on age:

1-2 years. The concept of “greed” does not yet exist. At the age of 1-2 years, the baby is just learning to say “no”. You cannot put pressure on the child during this period. If he does not learn to say “no” from an early age, this will significantly complicate his life in the future. Experience shows that mothers who were afraid to raise greedy children grow up to be trouble-free children. When they become adults, they are easily manipulated by others.

2 years. By this age, the child already perceives his things as an extension of his own personality and consciously says “mine.” It is important that the child is sure that the things that belong to him are inviolable, no one can take them without his consent. At the age of two, a child’s self-image is formed. He begins to define the boundaries between “us” and “stranger”.

3 years. The child should already be able to refuse. If by the age of 3 the baby does not learn to say “no,” this will lead to the fact that he will indulge the whims of others to his own detriment. Because of this, he himself will suffer. The task of parents is to teach the child that it is one thing to protect their things from the attacks of other people, and another thing is outright greed, when you don’t want to share simply out of harm.

4 years. This age is the beginning of a new stage in the socialization of a little person. Communication becomes paramount, and various things and toys acquire the role of tools that help establish communication with other children. A four-year-old child already realizes that he can win someone over if he shares an interesting toy with him.

But there is another side to the coin. Parents instill in the child that unconditional love is impossible - only if he fulfills the demands of others will they begin to have a positive attitude toward him (“if you don’t give it, no one will play with you!”). This is a very dangerous stereotype - in this way the child is convinced of “commodity” relationships in the sphere of feelings and affections, and is also devalued as a person. After all, they will play only if you have some toys and you give them, and not with you as a person. Therefore, this issue must be approached very carefully!

5-7 years. If a preschooler is greedy, the reason is internal disharmony. It often happens that a child does not want to share with younger brothers and sisters and furiously snatches toys from their hands. Perhaps he believes that the baby took the attention of mom and dad from him, and now has his eyes on his things.

Children's value system

Children are often told: “You can’t be greedy,” “Share,” “Give it to someone else to play,” and kids resist the orders of adults. Reluctance to share and assertion of property are not necessarily associated with the concept of greed. Your baby is simply protecting what he has and what is dear to him. After all, if he doesn’t learn to do this, what awaits him in the future? He will grow up weak-willed, will not be able to defend his rights, protect a loved one, and will become too compliant. Due to his age, he does not yet realize the difference in the value of things and does not understand which ones can be easily given away and which ones are important to defend. This understanding comes with time, and if this does not happen, then a compliant personality is formed, unable to object and defend honor and one’s own opinion.

A child who unwillingly partes with property may in the future become too soft and driven and will not be able to protect himself, loved ones, or his own rights.

We adults have a different system of values, both moral and material. It’s strange to us why the baby won’t let one of his dozen sand cups play with him, or won’t want to throw away an ordinary pebble when he comes home. Why should a child part with his things at the request of others? Look at the situation from the other side, if an ordinary person on the street asks you to give him your personal item, bag or car keys, will you immediately give them back? Likewise, your baby does not want to give away what he considers his own, personal, and he has every right to do so. For a child, his car is as dear as a real car to you, and collected twigs or a beautiful shell are a priceless treasure.

Think about it, you yourself are teaching your child to respect other people’s property (we tell the child: “Dad doesn’t allow you to touch this! Don’t take it, it’s mommy’s!”), not allowing you to touch your things or go into closets and bedside tables with personal items. Do not make an exception for your child; his sense of ownership and space also needs to be respected. Children tend to perceive their favorite objects and toys as part of themselves.

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Own things become especially expensive if the child is experiencing stress, for example, he recently went to kindergarten. A shabby bear, which the baby does not even allow to wash, becomes an ally and “moral support” for him. During such periods, do not force your child to give away toys that are important to him, even for a while.

What if she really is greedy?

The sense of ownership can also take an unhealthy form and reach extremes. A child is not born greedy a priori; he is gradually taught to be greedy in the family. Think about it, did you tell your child that if he behaves badly, you will give all the toys to the children on the street, or did you warn the little one: “Don’t take the new locomotive to the playground, they will break it for you,” “finish it quickly, otherwise the dog will eat it." Are you familiar with such exclamations: “If you throw toys around, I’ll give them to someone else’s boy,” “If you break your car, I’ll give all your toys to kindergarten”? We often don’t think about the fact that children take all our words seriously and apply them to all life situations. And then we wonder where the negative traits came from in the child.

Parents may unconsciously impose on their child an exaggerated sense of ownership and label him: “You are greedy! Ugh, how ugly this is! You are greedy! With this approach, the child gives up very quickly, stops defending himself, and in the future will try to match the negative characteristics of his parents - this applies to any labels: “stupid, slow, dirty, whiner, fool” and so on. Calling a child such words is the surest way to cultivate these qualities.

Remember that you yourself are an example for the behavior of children - the child reflects the behavior of the parents. Parents do not always see the shortcomings in themselves that continue in their children.

Observe your child to see if he is a provocateur of quarrels due to his reluctance to share toys, distinguish in which situation your child is right, and in which he himself becomes the instigator of discord and deliberately sets up a friend, brother or sister negatively.

Reasons why children become greedy

In children under 5 years of age, greed as such does not yet exist. Starting from the age of 5, greed needs to be “treated.” First of all, you need to understand where the roots of greed come from. The reasons may be different:

1. The child suffers from a lack of parental care, love, warmth and attention. Little greedy people grow up in families where parents are always busy and show their love with gifts. For kids, such things become especially important, because they suffer greatly from a lack of parental affection. It is quite natural that a child will react painfully to any person’s attempts to take away his valuables.
2. Jealousy. If a child thinks that his parents love his brother or sister more, he will transfer his resentment to him or her. This will cause attacks of greed and aggression. There is no need to insist that the older child shares with the younger one. This will only increase his resentment and anger towards his parents.
3. An excess of parental love and attention. A child from whom the specks of dust are literally blown away, to whom everything is always possible, turns into a little domestic tyrant. Such a kid is sure that he is the center of the universe, and everyone around him must unquestioningly fulfill all his whims. If something doesn't go the way he wants, hysterics arise. Therefore, you need to teach your child that there should be moderation in everything.
4. Shyness and indecisiveness. Children with these character traits are often lonely. Their only friends are toys. They give the child a feeling of safety and security. It is not surprising that the baby does not want to share them.
5. Excessive frugality. Some children are so worried about the safety and integrity of their dear toys that they do not even allow anyone to touch them.
6. Protecting your property. This is a completely normal reaction. After all, you, too, will not remain idle if someone “opens” your car... Even if only for a ride!
7. Mistrust. Do you think the baby doesn’t care who he plays with (as long as he doesn’t get covered in sand)? But no! Even at two years old, a child already has his own likes and dislikes, trusts some and not others.

“My Vasya is almost 2 years old. When we go out onto the playground, he arranges his toys in a line, and he plays with strangers. If someone takes his typewriter, they will immediately take it away, and they may even hit him. It’s even uncomfortable in front of other mothers, because Vasya can offend their babies. I'm afraid that he will grow up to be greedy..."– says Elena.

If a child offends kids who encroach on his toys, and he takes other people’s cars, he may grow up to be a stingy and not very pleasant person. Fortunately, childhood greed can be “cured.” Expert advice will help you with this.

Remember that greed is normal for kids. This is a natural stage of growing up. Parents need to be patient, communicate more with the child, tell him that being greedy is bad, and sharing toys is fun and interesting. Praise your child when he shows generosity. This will strengthen his self-confidence. As the child grows up, he will see and feel the positive impact of his generosity, and the support and approval of mom and dad will further strengthen his understanding that he is acting correctly. If you can’t cope with childhood greed, perhaps the reason lies deeper. Don't be afraid to contact psychologists.

Video consultation. Children's greed: why does a child not want to share toys?

How to raise a child so that he is not greedy and learns to share his toys and things with other children? Psychologist, founder of the First Children's Academy and School of Professional Parents, business coach and mother of four (two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko, tells parents about the reasons and recommendations:

Greedy child - Everything will be fine

Greed is inherent in almost all children aged 2-5 years, after some time it goes away, but none of the parents wants their child to be called greedy. So it’s time to take action so that later the reluctance to share does not become a psychological problem.

Greed cannot be called a character trait or a consequence of upbringing; psychologists say that it is characteristic of all children who simply do not yet understand why they should give away goodies or their favorite toy to someone. Often, mothers and fathers are ashamed of their not-so-generous child, but in order to re-educate him, various factors must be taken into account: age, temperament, character of the child. The problem is that children who show greed are often left alone, no one wants to play or be friends with them, and they do not understand why.

Parenting tricks

Why is it good to share?- This needs to be explained to most children, because sooner or later every child demonstrates a sense of ownership. This is a natural phenomenon that passes unless caused by certain reasons: say, jealousy of younger people or an increased need for attention. In the first case, you need to fight not with greed, but with manifestations of jealousy, especially if the children are relatives.

At times, parents themselves hinder the development of generosity in their child, recklessly sacrificing their interests. Of course, it’s nice to give your candy to your favorite child, pretending that you don’t like sweets. But the problem is that you really don’t feel sorry for anything, but the child takes it for granted and does not understand that the mother actually also has a sweet tooth, she simply deliberately refuses in his favor.

It’s better to show generosity by your own example: divide everything in the family equally, not forgetting to leave a treat for dad if he’s late at work or take it to grandma, who lives nearby.

The child will gradually get used to this, and such “sharing” will become quite normal for him. If your little one independently gives the due share to the grandfather who came to visit, then we can consider that the experiment is a success. If the baby treats you, be sure to thank him and take the offering, hug the baby so that he understands that sharing is also nice.

Relationships with other children. It also happens that the parents themselves contribute to the development of greed: “Why don’t you take care of your toys? “Now another boy will come and take them away.” Perhaps no one has encroached on the child’s favorite car or doll, but now the statement will firmly stick in his head that one should not take one’s eyes off toys, and certainly one should not let strangers touch them.

Don't call your child "greedy" or "you're a bad boy, other children won't play with you." Hearing this from the lips of a mother or father is unpleasant even for an adult, let alone a baby whose moral principles have not yet been formed. Often children happily announce “Yes, I’m greedy, I won’t give you my little train!”

Why is the child greedy? How to deal with this?

First of all, try to accept the motives of your child: if the child is very small, for him familiar toys are an anchor that binds him to his native world. Taking away a child's favorite car is equivalent to taking away a house or car from an adult. Until the baby is three years old, allow him to protect his own, and do not resort to forceful methods. The child must be able to stand up for himself and learn to say “no.” If he wants, he will share.

The optimal age for cultivating generosity is from 3 to 5 years. Now it’s easier for the baby to understand that if he gives his toy to another, he will be able to play in a group, and maybe in return he will also be given something interesting. If your child has a huge number of toys, he may well lack live communication, so try to socialize him early. After all, it’s no secret that modern parents are often busy, so there’s a catastrophic lack of time for emotional contact.

Sometimes greed is evidence that a child wants to take a leadership position. Children notice everything perfectly: if you don’t give the toy back, everyone starts running around you and persuading you, how can you not take advantage of this? Basically, this is how children who are spoiled by the attention of their relatives behave this way, so what better time to reconsider their views before it’s too late?

It also happens that a child has few toys, so he jealously guards them. In this case, it is better to offer an exchange: the child will give up his toy for a while, and in return gets the opportunity to play with something new. By the way, it happens that hoarding is caused by the child’s personality traits: a child with a pedantic character wants everything to be in order, and outside intrusion disrupts his order.

The child understands what kind of people are close to him - he communicates with them more willingly, and can give them his best toys. While he may be afraid or distrustful of random people - these are completely understandable feelings, so do not demand that he immediately give his favorite designer to Vanya, Dima, Igor, etc., whom he sees for the first time.

You can also raise your child using educational books and cartoons as an example; discuss the behavior of the characters with him, let him speak out and draw his own conclusions. Be that as it may, it is the close connection between parents and child that gives the best results!

Some children tend to share theirs with everyone. "property"- they will gladly let you take a bite of a chocolate bar, allow a friend to take a car, or invite the children to play with construction sets with them. Others, on the contrary, will clutch their toy with their little hands and will not be ready to part with it for anything in life. In this case, the parents observe the first greed in the child. Is she a bad quality or a good quality? On the one hand, it’s not good to give out toys left and right, forgetting about yourself. On the other hand, you need to teach your child to share so that greed does not develop in adulthood.

At each age, a child’s greed manifests itself differently. If you notice the first signs, don’t be alarmed. Nature planned everything as it should, therefore greed is nothing more than a mechanism for protecting one’s property from other encroachers. The roots of this mechanism go back to the times of our ancestors. In fact, there are no non-greedy people in the world. And sometimes greed is completely justified. This quality can sometimes help, sometimes harm. Your task as parents is to be able to distinguish normal greed from the pathological form.

Children from one to two years old. Greed that manifests itself at this age in a child is absolutely acceptable. It’s actually difficult to call it greed, because the child behaves spontaneously, without thinking about what is good and what is bad. Your child's greed is nothing more than an unconscious reflex. A bottle in your hands is good, a bottle taken away is bad. Playing with a teddy bear is good, but if they take away the toy to feed it, it’s already a cry. Remember that now is the age of first failures. Up to two years of concept "greedy child" simply doesn't exist. You ask for chocolate, but the baby may refuse. You shouldn’t scold him for this, otherwise your baby will grow up trouble-free in the future.

From two to three years. At this age, a two-year-old can associate her personality with her favorite toy. This is a continuation of it "I" in the outside world. Often you can hear the word “mine” and begin to suspect the child is greedy. Now there is an understanding of one's own and someone else's. This is why two-year-old children fuss over their toys so much and are reluctant to share them.

In order not to develop greed in a child, you need to be able to adapt to your baby. On the one hand, you need to respect his right to the inviolability of his favorite things, on the other hand, teach your child to share. Do you want to take something that belongs to him? Ask permission like an adult. By doing this you will teach your baby to behave the same way in the case of your things. But don’t be greedy yourself, so that the baby doesn’t adopt this model of behavior. Teach him to ask for your permission and reward him boldly.

From three to four years. The age of kindergarten and the child’s first greed. Children can ask for a toy, or they can take it without permission. The kid must learn to refuse if he really does not want to give what is his. Tell your child that if other children call your child greedy, he should not be upset, because it is normal to protect his things. Let him speak boldly "No" if he doesn't like something. But under no circumstances allow him to do this out of spite so that he will be begged for it. Otherwise, your child's greed will become a quality of his character.

From four to five years old. As the child gets older and begins to understand social norms, you may notice the first signs of greed in him. The baby already knows that some children are friendly and others are arrogant. Therefore, kindergarten teachers often notice that every child shows greed. Now children see cause and effect clearly. If you share a toy, the other child smiles and a friendship is formed. If you took it yourself without asking, he sees the aggression and understands that you shouldn’t behave this way if you don’t want to quarrel. Teach your child to be friends with his own kind, not because he has a new cartoon train, but because this boy is fun and interesting.

From five to seven years old. Greed at this age in a child indicates deeper psychological reasons. This could be jealousy towards a younger brother or sister, a desire to attract attention, or resentment towards the one who asks. Preschoolers show childish greed very often because they want to feel superior in something: I have this, but you don’t, therefore, I’m better.

Children's greed: how children look at the world

You suspect greed in a child when he responds to all your instructions with obvious protest. You tell him "give me a little pass", and he hides it deeper in the sand. Please don’t be greedy, he generally closes himself off from everyone in his psychological shell. Now the baby is trying to gain a strong-willed character and protect his own from strangers. There are various reasons for children's greed. Due to the fact that the psyche is just developing, the baby may not understand what is worth sharing and what should not be given away. And only with age will he learn to realize this line.

You may suspect childish greed if the baby collects a lot of shells at sea and upon arrival does not want to throw them away. He sincerely does not understand why he has to part with his favorite items. For adults, this seems like garbage, but for children, pebbles, shells, etc. are important. He considers it his personal property. Therefore, do not demand to throw away or give away what is dear to him. Think how unpleasant it would be for you to give away things dear to your heart at the first request of others.

It may seem to you that a child is developing greed when he does not want to give his old toy to an orphanage or give his newborn sister a broken doll. Children become attached to those things that they play with for a long time, so listen to them, and do not demand to give them away at any cost.

You are raising a greedy person yourself

Is there any way to understand that children's greed is beginning to worsen? This is actually easy to explain. This quality can develop if a child is raised in a family with a sense of fear. For example, you threaten to throw out a toy in case of bad behavior or give it to a neighbor boy. In this case, the baby will protect his things more than usual.

Remember that you raise the greedy yourself. Children take our word for it, so deep down they are very worried that their beloved teddy bear will fall into the wrong hands. If you want to force them to put away toys, threaten to take them away for a while, but don’t say a word "forever". If you don't want to raise a greedy person, never call your baby that. In general, it is undesirable to attach such negative labels to him. Catch those moments when the child himself becomes the instigator of a quarrel and stop such behavior in time.

Where does greed come from - the reasons for children's greed

If your baby has not yet reached the age of five, there is no need to fight his childish greed. He will outgrow it himself. Then, as you grow older, you will be able to take measures to adjust your upbringing if you identify the root of evil - the causes of greed.

Ours and others. The kid divides children and adults into friends and strangers. He may provide something for use to the first, but he will be wary of the second category. A child's greed manifests itself if his parents themselves force him to give what he has to someone to whom he does not want to give it.

Protecting your. The child is afraid that another person will spoil his property and this is an absolutely normal quality. Such greed in a child will warn him in the future and teach him to defend his things and interests.

Attachment. Children can become so attached to their things that they simply feel sad about giving them to another child. The reasons for such children's greed point to a psychological feature. His toy is himself.

Closedness. Shyness is one of the common causes of children's greed. Shy children love toys more than their friends. More precisely, they replace them, so the baby will not want to share his "friend".

A lot of care. If a child knows that his parents will do anything for him, he begins to look down on others. This is how greedy children grow up who do not share their property out of banal harm, in order to show themselves better than someone else.

Brother or sister. The child will not want to share toys if a new family member has appeared in the family. The reason is resentment. You should not demand this from your baby.

Little attention. Children can grow up greedy if they lacked care and parental affection in childhood. When affection is expressed in the form of gifts, children hold on to them with all their might and will never give them away to strangers.

Ways to eliminate greed

Can children not be greedy? If a child is raised correctly in a family, the question of greed does not arise. But what to do when all the signs of stinginess are evident? There are several ways to rehabilitate greedy children.

1. Do not forbid the baby to express tears, anger, anger. Tell him that you understand his feelings and still love him.

1. Be generous yourself. Let the baby be brought up by your example and adopt appropriate behavior. Buy a rattle for your friend’s newborn baby, and when visiting, bring some sweets and gingerbread. Tell them that generous people always have many friends.

1. Ask your child to share candy and offer to bring grandma a beautiful shell from the sea.

1. Always show that you love your baby and will be on his side no matter what happens. Therefore, protect him in front of strangers and teach him to stand up for himself. Don’t call yourself names and don’t let others call you names.

1. Do not demand to share anything if the baby categorically does not want it.

1. When meeting greedy children, explain to your child why in a given situation greed is an unnecessary quality.

1. If the baby doesn’t want to share something, offer to arrange an exchange during the game.

1. Teach your child to trust other children, tell them that the toy will certainly return to the hands of its owner - that is, your child.

1. Don’t scold your baby when you constantly hear a word from him "my". Just wait until this age passes.

1. Find out what could be the cause of children's greed and try to understand it.

1. When you go for a walk, offer your baby to take cars or beads that he is ready to give to others to play with.

Why doesn't a child want to share toys?

Every mother would not want her child to be called greedy. But you need to learn to behave in conflicts until the baby learns to do it on his own. If you notice that the child does not want to share toys, do not leave the reproaches of others to chance and stand up for the baby. Then, when you get home, you will need to find out the reasons by asking the baby. Remember that this is his property and the main reason for greed. Teach to separate toys according to the principle: we share this, but we don’t give this away.

Showing greed while walking

Try not to sit on the sidelines on a bench while walking, but to take an active part. Even if the baby is playing in the sandbox, it would be nice to join other children. Do you see that the other child is greedy? Don't insist that he give the baby boy or little soldier to your baby. If your child doesn’t want to share toys, give him time to adapt. Let him first get to know the children from the sandbox, make friends with them, and then decide for himself whether he should trust the bear to his new friends or not.

If your child doesn't want to share toys at all, teach him generosity during a walk. And you don’t have to play with other children to do this. The little one will understand that giving something is fun when he feeds the pigeons with bread or he takes out the bones from the dog’s dinner. You can give a stick to your cat so you don’t have to bring it into the house. Such actions gradually develop returns.

Behavior in conflict situations

Does the baby take away the toy? Be extremely calm and do not rush to call your child a greedy person. Just take your hand and say that it’s better not to do this. If someone else’s child takes it away, you have the right to intervene and ask him to return the toy to his child.

Don't want to share? Don't take away the toy yourself to give to others. Otherwise, your child will develop greed and distrust of you.

Extra toys? Are you tidying up, but your little one is hysterical and doesn’t want to throw anything away? Say that you will buy another one later, and offer to give these to an orphanage. The child will not want to share toys if there is no alternative.

Did the kids all quarrel with each other? Distract them with a fun game.

Be philosophical about greed and don't forget to praise your generosity. Then the child will understand that being generous is a sure way to gain friends and mother’s favor.

Many parents notice a reluctance to share toys and things in their children. Often mothers have to blush for their children at a party or on the playground when the little greedy one shouts to his peers “I won’t let you!”

Greed is a natural defense of one’s own “values”, a struggle for the right to possess something. It is impossible to teach sharing if you deprive a child of the right to choose whether to share or not. The baby watches his parents, whose things are divided - there are mother’s things, there are father’s things, and therefore, there are his own.

Still from the cartoon “Ice Age 3: Age of the Dinosaurs” © 20th Century Fox

Greed. Age stages

1-2 years. The concept of “greed” at this age is absent as such; it is at 1-2 years that the child develops the ability to say “no.” People who are not allowed to learn to say “no” suffer greatly as adults. Their mothers were very afraid that their children would grow up greedy, but they grew up trouble-free.

2 years. By the age of two, the child already consciously pronounces the word “mine” - things are a continuation of his personality. It is important for the child to know that he himself, as well as his things, are inviolable without his consent. Now he is forming an idea of ​​himself and begins to establish boundaries separating “his” and “them.”

3 years. By the age of three, the baby acquires the ability to say “no.” The inability to say “no” leads to indulging the whims of other people to the detriment of oneself. It is also important to teach the child to clearly monitor the boundaries: where exactly the natural reaction to the actions of others turns into greed.

4 years. A new stage of socialization begins. Communication comes to the fore. Toys and personal items become tools that enable this communication. The baby comes to the realization that sharing means winning people over.

5-7 years. When Ksyusha's sister was born, she was 6 years old. When her sister grew up, Ksyusha began to fiercely defend her “wealth” - she could snatch the doll from her sister’s hands and even hit her. Of course, this behavior greatly upset her mother, who inspired Ksyusha that being greedy is bad.

At the age of 5-7 years, greed is the child’s internal disharmony, indicating internal problems.

The main reasons for greed in children: why is a child greedy?

To “cure” greed after five years, you need to understand where it came from. Experts identify several main reasons:

– the child lacks parental love, attention, warmth. Most often, the little greedy person grows up in families where another gift from too busy parents is a manifestation of love. Then the baby perceives these things as especially valuable, and in this case greed becomes a natural consequence of the situation;

- jealousy of brothers and sisters. If a brother (sister) receives more attention and parental affection, then the child automatically expresses his resentment through manifestations of greed and aggression towards him. In this case, there is no need to insist that the older child shares his toys at any cost;

– excess attention and parental love. Often children, who can always do anything, become real tyrants for their family; such kids believe that they are the center of the universe, and all people should fulfill their every whim. The designation of boundaries and measure in everything will help here;

- shyness, indecisiveness. The only friends of a child who is constrained in communication are his toys. The child feels safe with them. Therefore, the baby, of course, does not want to share them;

- excessive frugality. This is the same case when a child is so worried about the safety and integrity of his dear toys that he does not allow anyone to play with them.

“My Vasya is almost 2 years old. When we go out onto the playground, he arranges his toys in a line, and he plays with strangers. If someone takes his typewriter, they will immediately take it away, and they may even hit him. It’s even uncomfortable in front of other mothers, because Vasya can offend their babies. I’m afraid that he will grow up to be greedy…” says Elena.

How to “treat” children's greed? What should parents do? Experts share their recommendations.

How to communicate?

– Make sure that you give your baby enough attention and affection: talk, discuss the past day, walk, play. Good emotional contact with a child is the best prevention of greed.

– Take a closer look at the position of the child in the family. Don't let him become a little tyrant.

– Read books, watch cartoons together about greed and generosity (for example, “We shared an orange”).

– Teach generosity in the family - it is your model of behavior that the child sees and adopts: help those who need help, feed abandoned animals in shelters.

– Do not shame your child in front of others: “Everyone will think that you are greedy!” This way you will raise an insecure person who will depend on the opinions of strangers. If you convince him that he is greedy, then you will not get rid of this vice.

– Tell your child about the joys of exchanging toys: “The other person is pleased, he begins to treat you better.” If the toddler hides his toys in his bosom, and takes other people’s with pleasure, explain that such an “exchange” is not fair.

– Praise the child for his kindness. Let him remember that mom is happy when he shares toys with someone. We will leave a hundred cases of greed without attention and condemnation, but we will turn one case of generosity into an event.

How to behave on the playground?

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– Is the child angry? Gently and calmly explain to him why he is experiencing such feelings. Teach him to recognize and constructively express his emotions.

– Teach even a very young child to ask the owner of the toys if they can be used. It is clear that if the baby is still very small, the mother should ask permission to play with another toy.

If the conflict has already begun...

1. At that moment when your child rudely takes away his toy from another, pull yourself together. Don't get angry or yell at your baby. Actually, also don’t get angry and don’t call the one who took the toy greedy.

3. You can offer the “offended” child another toy instead of the controversial one, but be sure to ask the consent of the little owner.

4. If the mother of an “offended” child looks at you disapprovingly, then she either has a very small baby, or she adheres to the “he must share” strategy. In any case, do not enter into controversy.

5. You cannot take a toy from your child and give it to another against the will of your child - to them this is equated with betrayal. “If a strong mother takes away a toy from me, a weak one, then why can’t I, imitating my mother, take a toy from someone who is weaker than me?” - the child will think.

6. When a serious dispute breaks out over the possession of a toy by several children at once, it is wisest for an adult to resolve the conflict himself; for this it will be enough to organize a joint game for the kids.

Remember that greed is normal for kids. Be patient. As the child grows up, he will see and feel the positive impact of his generosity, and the support and approval of mom and dad will further strengthen his understanding that he is acting correctly. If you feel that you are unable to cope with greed, then perhaps it is not the problem at all, but a deeper problem. Do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist.

“Greedy beef, pickled cucumber, lying on the floor - no one eats it.” You are unlikely to experience a surge of positive emotions if one day you find out that children are reciting this rhyme to your child. It will be especially offensive if greed does not fly past your daughter or son as an age-related phenomenon, but becomes one of the character traits of a future adult.

Why do children get greedy, how to react to it and how to prevent quarrels due to greed?

Greed is natural

Children aged two or three years quite often show a painful reaction to someone taking their favorite toys. The baby begins to loudly protest against expropriation, cries or runs away from the scene to hide. Parents are wary: “it looks like our child is really growing up greedy.” But not everything is as bad as it might seem.

” Children aged about three years old experience a kind of crisis of consciousness and become real egocentrics - this is a normal stage of child development. For a child, there is, first of all, only himself, and he considers his toys to be an extension of himself.

In such a situation, it is very important not to scold the child or try to awaken his conscience by calling him greedy. This will simply cause an unnecessary and unmotivated feeling of guilt, which will fall heavily on the baby’s fragile shoulders. At this moment it is very difficult for a child to understand why he suddenly became bad - after all, he defends first of all his own safety. And the child who reached for your baby’s toy should not be scolded - he also has a heightened sense of selfishness to the limit and he believes that he has the right to possess any thing he likes.

How to deal with greed?

The best way is to redirect the child's attention. Start a new game with them, or show them something interesting. If the kids act together in common interests, then they will quickly forget the grievances - it is quite possible that in just five minutes he will calmly react to the fact that someone is taking his toys, and maybe even share them himself. Don’t forget to praise your child for his independent displays of generosity; be sure to tell him how great he is and how pleased you are with his behavior. It would be ideal if your words were reinforced by a fairy tale or story on the topic of how good it is to share and how bad it is to be greedy.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to avoid conflict, and now two toddlers have gone to different corners: one is shouting obscenities, the second is starting to nurse... The surest way to defuse the situation is to say, “It’s high time for us to go home” and go home with the child, most importantly, away from the source of irritation. You need to talk about this in a calm tone, without showing unnecessary emotions.

Don't force your child to be greedy

” Add a note to your family rules of upbringing: toys that are too bright, too expensive, too tempting for other children - don’t take them for a walk!

One note about expensive toys: their breakage or loss can upset not only the child, but also you. Accordingly, you will watch such toys no less vigilantly than your child, and he may misunderstand your behavior - parting with them, even for a while, will be doubly difficult.

We should not forget that a child’s greed can be a direct consequence of the foundations, values ​​and behaviors of the family in which he is raised. It also happens that greed as a character trait can appear as a result of a self-centered type of upbringing, when a child is a family idol, the meaning of life for each member of the household. Most often this happens in families where there is an only child whose appearance has been long awaited. The child is shrouded in daily hyper-care, dust particles are blown off him, he is pampered and cherished. In this case, parents can unknowingly instill in the child greed, which in later life can become an integral part of the personality of an adult.

Of course, all of the above does not mean that the child should have a permissive attitude towards personal belongings, including toys - this is also abnormal and will ultimately interfere with the development of responsibility.

Greed Test

There is a very simple test that will help determine your child's level of greed.

Tell your child this story:

Once upon a time there was a little boy. He had a mother. One day a boy built a very beautiful sand house in which to live and play. The boy really liked the house. And his mother also really, really liked the house, so she asked to give her a house. Now ask your child a question: “Do you think the boy will give the house to his mother or keep it for himself?”

The answer will be something like this: “He will play with it and give it as a gift” or “He will live with his mother” or “He will give it as a gift, but will ask that the mother always give it to the boy if he asks.” These are normal, correct answers.

” But a child can also say something that should alert parents. “The boy will not share it with anyone and will keep the house for himself,” “The boy will play with the house and then break it.”

In this case, you cannot draw hasty conclusions; you need to think and understand the reasons for such answers. Perhaps this really is a manifestation of greed, or maybe... your child simply doesn’t have enough toys.

It is important to note that this test is intended for children two to three years old. As a last resort, it can be offered to a four-year-old child. Older children will most likely not give direct answers. It is quite possible that they will offer barter - a house, in exchange for some thing that they have long dreamed of. But this no longer has anything to do with children’s age-related greed.

In conclusion, let us say that greed is in no way a natural, but an exclusively social phenomenon. It is the result of improper upbringing and improper behavior of adults. Therefore, greed, if it was not accidentally or intentionally fixed, like other age-related temporary manifestations, will naturally disappear.